Stupid commercial

Has anyone seen that stupid Nissan commercial (It annoys me so much I can't link to it here, but just search "Nissan commercial baby" and the video will come up. Basically a woman gets a BFP and her hubby freaks out that he won't be able to keep his 2 door sports car. He then "stretches it out" into a 4 door sedan. I just want to yell at the TV every time it comes on. "Wait you bonehead, don't change your car until the kid is ready to come home from the hospital! Just because you got her pregnant doesn't mean you get a baby!"

Anyone else got a commercial that they hate now that they are a DBM? (I know I also can't stand the i.Phone baby commercials too.)

Back at it

My parents were here visiting for the last 3 days so it's been hard to write anything (posts or comments). When other people are here, I try to hide the bad feelings and limit the bitter, sarcastic comments. I don't know why for sure, maybe it's because I don't want to upset them or because I just know that they won't understand but it just feels like I have to hold things back. Also, only 2 people who know me in real life know about this blog, my husband (who I have asked not to read it) and my DBM pal L, who more than understands and encouraged me to start blogging. I'd like to keep it that way as I think it would only make my parents worry. Anyways the parents have left now so I can go back to being Dead Baby Blog obsessed.

I have been cyber-stalking my friend who is now about a week over due with a baby boy. I keep checking her FB status and blog for news. I know it's is going to hurt so, so bad when the big announcement comes, but I do want to know that everything is ok. I keep wondering if I will get a phone call or not. I thought she was important enough to get a phone call when Reid died, but I have feeling that it will be like the last time a close (or used to be close) friend successfully had a living baby. It will be too "hard" for them to call me before they post it on FB. In my mind people who get to bring home their living breathing babies shouldn't get to make excuses like that, they have someone to cuddle when the "hard" part is over.

(Yikes, I better prepare DH for the freak out that is coming when this baby arrives judging by how upset I am already)

Another Bad Day

I was miserable today. It was the first time since Reid died that I wasn't strong enough to keep up with D and ended up letting her watch way too much TV. I knew it was going to be a bad day when the desire to be a couch zombie outweighed the bad parent guilt. Thank goodness for E, another IRL friend who is actually a DBM x 3. Her phone call wasn't enough to get my out of my pj's and out of the house but it did cheer me up enough to stop me from hiding in my room and sobbing while D was watching Sesame Street. (and it was the episode with Feist singing "1,2,3,4" which gave me a couple minutes of pleasant distraction)

While I was in SK, one of my oldest friends called and left a message. DH told me about it but I wasn't up for calling her back while on my trip. She has since sent me an email that I haven't been able to reply to. She lives about 3 hours away and is pregnant (of course) with a boy (just like everyone else I know) and due at the end of July. She is done work in a week and wants to know if she can come visit me. I just don't know what to tell her. She was supportive right after Reid died but I hadn't heard anything from her since the end of April so I was feeling pretty hurt. I do want to see her, but I don't know if I can stand to see her hugely pregnant and happy (her blog is full of "when the baby comes" and all the other things that we DBM's know aren't guaranteed just because you get to be 34 weeks pregnant). I can't decide which will be harder for me, seeing her pregnant or waiting to see her once she has the baby. I have yet to go see anyone who has had a baby since Reid died and I have really avoided baby boys of any age. Any advice for me from those who may have already dealt with friends who are "still" pregnant?

After this evening's first big cry I realized something. All us DBM's would give pretty much anything short of our spouses and living children for the chance to have our babies alive and with us. We all have dreams of what we would be doing with our babies and how much we would love and appreciate every second of being their moms. All DBM's can't stand to hear the "lucky ones" complain about the lack of sleep or breastfeeding problems or not having time to shower. But if I had what we all want so badly, for my baby to be here and healthy, to never have been a DBM, I would be just like the "lucky ones" complaining about life with a new baby. I HATE that I would be one of those people and I HATE that I know what it's like to not be one of them and I HATE that I only truly appreciate what a gift my son was because he is dead.