So my maternity leave has officially run out. (this is how I know it's been 17 weeks, I had stopped counting the weeks since Reid died.) I know lots of DBM's have had to go back to work much sooner than this so I will understand if you think I am being a big whiny spoiled baby because I don't want to go back to work, but I need to vent.
I know that I am not ready to go back to work, but since I am not seeing a doctor regularly and am not heavily medicated, I am being "encouraged" to start seeing a counselor or psychiatrist by the insurance company that provides disability coverage to my employer. I had to do a phone interview today and it seems that if I can force myself to function for my daughter I should be able to do it for work too. (Yes, my job helping oil companies destroy the environment should be as important to me as my living child.) It is awful having your grief evaluated like it's a broken arm or herniated disk. And the twice a month support group meetings mean nothing to them. My employer has an Employee Assistance Program that we are supposed to access by internet. I am supposed to feel supported by a company that offers "e-Counselling" and has these statements on their website:
"The model of counselling is primarily cognitive-behavioural and short-term in focus, with clearly defined and achievable behaviour-change goals."
and
"Our unique, solution-focused approach focuses on enabling individuals, couples and families to develop the skills necessary to solve their life problems without creating a long-term dependent counselling relationship."
So my dead child is a life problem that I can develop skills to solve? And I wouldn't want to depend on a counselor for help over the long term because my dead child problem can be resolved with a short-term solution? WTF? Seriously?
If they can offer "e-Counselling" why can't I list all you ladies as my "e-Counsellors"? I certainly trust your advice more than anything that will come from these people.
6 comments:
Their statements definitely don't apply to our situations! The person who wrote that clearly never lost a child!
I was told by EI that if I was not ready to go back to work after my 17 weeks of mat leave was up I could then apply for sick leave/medic leave (15 weeks). I think you need to get a dr to fill out some ppr work (available online).
Sending strength.
I went back after 7 weeks. It was hard there were times I regretes going back so early but I got through just as you will when you're ready to re enter the work world.
All I can say is "wow" to those statements...I have no other words for it.
I went back to work 2 weeks after having Bailey, for 2 different reasons. First, I knew I wouldn't be able to stay home by myself after DH went back to work with only the dog to take care of. Second, we knew we were going to start trying again immediately, and I didn't want to drain all of my PTO.
It's different for everyone...and you'll know when and if it's right for you.
I'll scratch your back you scratch mine. I have been in counseling for almost 5 months and just got a statement yesterday noting that my last two visits weren't covered AT ALL. But no one told me this. And I'm betting they didn't tell my therapist either. So I can keep paying out of pocket, or just handle the crazies all by myself. Fun.
So yeah, lay it on us sister!
I made a rude little snickering sound at the solution focused counseling you're being offered. WTF is right! I'm a big fan of therapy (started seeing a therapist who I love shortly after my daughter died), but you're right - this is not a problem to be solved.
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