So my maternity leave has officially run out. (this is how I know it's been 17 weeks, I had stopped counting the weeks since Reid died.) I know lots of DBM's have had to go back to work much sooner than this so I will understand if you think I am being a big whiny spoiled baby because I don't want to go back to work, but I need to vent.
I know that I am not ready to go back to work, but since I am not seeing a doctor regularly and am not heavily medicated, I am being "encouraged" to start seeing a counselor or psychiatrist by the insurance company that provides disability coverage to my employer. I had to do a phone interview today and it seems that if I can force myself to function for my daughter I should be able to do it for work too. (Yes, my job helping oil companies destroy the environment should be as important to me as my living child.) It is awful having your grief evaluated like it's a broken arm or herniated disk. And the twice a month support group meetings mean nothing to them. My employer has an Employee Assistance Program that we are supposed to access by internet. I am supposed to feel supported by a company that offers "e-Counselling" and has these statements on their website:
"The model of counselling is primarily cognitive-behavioural and short-term in focus, with clearly defined and achievable behaviour-change goals."
"Our unique, solution-focused approach focuses on enabling individuals, couples and families to develop the skills necessary to solve their life problems without creating a long-term dependent counselling relationship."
So my dead child is a life problem that I can develop skills to solve? And I wouldn't want to depend on a counselor for help over the long term because my dead child problem can be resolved with a short-term solution? WTF? Seriously?
If they can offer "e-Counselling" why can't I list all you ladies as my "e-Counsellors"? I certainly trust your advice more than anything that will come from these people.