A Quote

From Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards:

"If I had lost a leg, I would tell them, instead of a boy, no one would ever ask me if I was 'over' it. They would ask me how I was doing learning to walk without my leg. I was learning to walk and to breath and to live without Wade. And what I was learning is that it was never going to be the life I had before."

(Thanks to Brooke for reviewing this book and giving me a push towards reading it for myself.)

Craft = Crutch = Giveaway

I signed up for the Mother's Day Bouquet swap, organized by the lovely Jenni. And just like the Christmas swap, when I couldn't stop with just one ornament, I am addicted again. (I think I made 7 ornaments and I bought paper to make many more in 2011.) I've already made 2 of these and started 2 more and I think there will be a few more yet.

The bouquet swap has a flower theme, but I don't trust Canada Post to not destroy a delicate parcel so I need a durable kind of project. Also my artistic skills are limited to cutting and gluing paper (as shown by the ornaments), picking colours and arranging things (honed by years of home decorating) so that further limited my options. After searching craft blogs (I wish my "me time" revolved around crafts and not grieving, there are so many cool crafts out there), I came up with a plan and here is what I sent out for the swap:


The frogs are a special reminder for the mom it went to, I hope she loves it. I liked doing it, so I did another one:


I think it will go to my grandmother, she loves teal blue and it will take care of her Mother's Day gift without me going shopping. I'm going to do a yellow one next and then another green one and I'd like to try a different blue too.

But what does this have to do with all of you? Well, in honour of Mother's Day and my 1st blogoversary (which was Sunday), I want to make one of these frames for (at least) one of my wonderful readers. I would make one for all of you, but the shipping would bankrupt me as I have no personal income right now. (D.G. graciously funds all my crafting projects.) All you need to do to win this giveaway is leave me a comment (singing the praises of my floral creations, of course) and let me know what colour you would like your frame to be (green, teal, blue or yellow). If you are in the UK, I know Mother's Day was a month ago, so it will just be really early for next year. If you are in Australia, it's just gonna be late for this year. (Heck it might be late for a North American reader, but I'll do my best.) The cut off for giveaway is Friday at midnight so that should give all my readers a chance to comment.

And just because I want to continue bragging up my (limited) crafting skills, here is a picture of the yoga bag I sewed last weekend. I love the fabric. (For any babywearers out there, yes, I love it because it reminds me of a Didy Ellipsen.)

Trying to be positive for a few minutes

The snow here has finally almost completely melted. (There are shady spots where the snow will still last a few more days but they are easy to ignore.) This weekend we noticed that a little bit of spring had finally come to our yard.



The tulips seem to have survived the late snow, hopefully they will bloom in time for Mother's Day.

Survived Easter weekend, but only just barely. D.G. had today off (yes he has a union job) so it was still Easter weekend for us. I did however get a break in the middle of the weekend, when D.G. took D on a day trip to his aunt and uncle's farm to see his sister. I had almost 12 hours completely to myself which hasn't happened in probably the last 4 years. (D.G. has never taken D further away than to the swimming pool for a couple hours on his own.) I watched TV non-stop, ate junk food and even finally sewed myself a new yoga mat bag. Being by myself is just so peaceful, and being alone without a giant to do list is even better. Of course all that peacefulness was wrecked by the arrival of AF Saturday evening. (And now I should ovulate right on Mother's Day when I will no doubt be sexy as hell with my puffy red eyes and snotty nose.)

D.G. and I finished off the weekend tonight with a long, upsetting, emotional and ultimately pointless discussion, although we did avoid an outright fight. The only thing that was accomplished was that I feel more isolated and loser-y than I did this afternoon when I was feeling sad and lonely but could still stop myself from outright crying in public. (Yes, loser-y is a word, I've been using it since 1998.)

Let it be over soon

I just want Easter over with. I'm sick of seeing all the plastic bunnies and pastel baskets, it just makes me angry. All of it, the secular and the religious, just makes me mad. My baby died last Easter and for some reason this holiday is making me feel much worse than the actual anniversary of his death. Maybe it's because most people don't have a clue that I am seething with anger inside right now. I want nothing to do with Easter and unlike Christmas, I'm not even making an effort for D's sake. I am just barely tolerating the things that our families do (which is mostly sending parcels due to the distance) but I wish I could just banish it all from my life.

You know things are bad when...

...you are almost grateful that your water heater is leaking.

Today was a disaster. I would tell you the whole awful drawn out story, except my arm hurts too much to type properly. (Merry's hot water bottle is getting a thorough test run tonight.) To sum things up:

- Our water heater started leaking some time last night.
- I had to make 3 trips to the hardware store before I got the damn thing fixed.
- I spent close to 2 hours today standing in cold water.
- My arm is super sore from a combination of using a pipe wrench and wringing out wet towels.
- I was surrounded by perfect looking mommy clones all pushing babies in strollers at D's first dance class today. (The water heater gave me an excuse to get away from the clones.)
- I had to listen to my daughter say to one of hew new friends, "My baby died, did your babies die?" for the first time. (I know the mom of this little girl so no adults freaked out at this question.)
- I was close to tears for most of the day which made me too tired to do much more than be a lump at yoga class.

Small bright spots:
-Our next door neighbor is amazing and saved me from dragging D to the hardware store on trips 2 and 3.
- I did fix the leak without calling a plumber, (go me!) and nothing important got destroyed.

So tired, must sleep now.