Must try to remember...

... that only I will feel bad if I don't manage to make a perfect "birthday" for Reid. There will be cupcakes and family time and that is all we really need. 

... that people are clueless and really don't know that buying a baby toy for C.S. that is almost identical to the Winnie the Pooh toy D picked out for Reid (before we knew he was Reid) is a very bad idea. Also have to remember that this is a totally acceptable reason to exchange it but will have to try not to use "it looks just like my dead son's toy" as the reason for the exchange.

 
... that C.S. will not need to nurse non-stop from 5 pm until 10 pm forever. It just feels like it.

... that not getting things done right now is okay. It's not procrastination when you are putting things off because you are caring for your baby. (It seems that my ability to not only tolerate but actually embrace procrastination has shrunk along with the baby belly.)

... that spending 5 minutes colouring with D is not a waste of time that could be spent emptying the dishwasher or folding laundry (or blogging or emailing or sewing or baking or any of the other things I would like to have time more for.)

... that my wonderful on-line DBM friends understand why I am a crappy on-line friend right now and will not hold it against me. (Right?)

2 months was last week

As of Monday we are finished with all the 2 month appointments. C.S. has been seen by the doctor and the public health nurse and been vaccinated. The picture was taken on March 10th, but I wanted to get all the other stuff over with first and then I had to find enough time to blog.

 

C.S. is back on the family growth curve, 90th percentile for weight and 75th for length and head size. This equals a 12.5 lb baby and parents with sore backs. Her rolls now have rolls and she has no problem fitting into the cloth diapers her big sister used. Nothing cuter than a big cloth diaper butt!

I managed to work on a birth announcement for her this week. I wanted to use pictures from her newborn shoot, but in most of them she was sleeping and babies with closed eyes are still a pretty big issue for me. I also wanted to include her brother in some way and luckily, my friend who took the newborn photos is also a DBM and understands. She took a picture with all three kids names in alphabet blocks and I included it in this:

 Now if I can only get them sent out before she is 6 months old and D.G. goes back to work.

zombie

Sorry for the long absence. I was operating an intellectual level just above "zombie" when C.S. was having good nights then the f-ing time change happened and C.S. has had 2 really retched nights in a row and now I just want to stumble around moaning "brains, brains" (as in I wish I had some).

Before that I was using what little free time C.S. allowed me to do things with diapers. First I sewed three new diapers for D's baby doll Bella. Then I attempted to strip C.S.'s diapers. (Still working on that as I didn't get all the smell out.) Then I tried selling some diapers we have outgrown. (Half done that, anyone want some size S covers?). Then I went shopping for some more pocket diapers for C.S.'s butt during the night. And in between there is the regular washing of C.S.'s diapers. I love cloth diapering my babies, but I will be happy when I can just do the regular changing and washing.

I feel bad about not blogging and commenting, but can't seem to string together coherent sentences most of the time. And I know that I am better off doing things for my kids who are here while thinking of the one who is not, instead of writing about one who is not (and all yours as well) and thinking about how I should be doing things for the kids who are here. A year and a half ago, I would have definitely chosen the second option so I guess I have made progress.

23 Months

23 months still hurts. I still want my baby boy to be here. I still feel overwhelmingly grateful to anyone who mentions his name. I still need to find ways for Reid to be a visible part of my family.

23 months is a lot like 11 months. All I can think about is that there is only one more month until Reid's birthday. So many of my thoughts about him already center around disbelief that it has been nearly 2 years and wondering how we will mark that day. I just want to do something nice together as a family that day, maybe a trip to a museum or art gallery, and of course there will be cupcakes for breakfast.



I am having major pangs of guilt for not wearing my "Reid" bracelet 24-7 right now. I still want to wear it, but it keeps pressing into C.S.'s head while I am nursing her. I want her to know about her big brother, but literally stamping his name into the side of her head is taking things too far, even for me. I am trying to promise myself that once she is bigger I will start wearing it all the time again and not leave it sitting on my dresser unless there is a special event (like my wedding rings, I am a bad wife.)

End of February Craftiness

I have been planning to sew D a skirt for months as she is in a very long "I have to wear a dress/skirt every day" phase. The plan was to make it after I finished the Tinkerbell Halloween costume but that plan got derailed by the bedrest. I started using this pattern but when I was nearly finished I realized that it was WAY too short so I had to move the patterned layer down to cover the seam for extra 3 inches of fabric I added to to the bottom. Luckily it still looks pretty good and more importantly, D likes it.

Obviously it works for dancing. Don't ask me why she chose green tights to go with it. 

The only other sewing I managed to get done in February was making soaker pads to stuff in my nursing bra so I don't drench the side C.S. is not nursing on. (They are definitely not beautiful but so very necessary to prevent constantly having milk patches on my shirts.) In March I am hoping to make some new outfits for D's dolls, a sleep sack for C.S. and a ring sling for a baby gift.Hopefully it will be a good distraction from dreading the upcoming birthday.