Saturday, March 3, 2012

23 Months

23 months still hurts. I still want my baby boy to be here. I still feel overwhelmingly grateful to anyone who mentions his name. I still need to find ways for Reid to be a visible part of my family.

23 months is a lot like 11 months. All I can think about is that there is only one more month until Reid's birthday. So many of my thoughts about him already center around disbelief that it has been nearly 2 years and wondering how we will mark that day. I just want to do something nice together as a family that day, maybe a trip to a museum or art gallery, and of course there will be cupcakes for breakfast.

I am having major pangs of guilt for not wearing my "Reid" bracelet 24-7 right now. I still want to wear it, but it keeps pressing into C.S.'s head while I am nursing her. I want her to know about her big brother, but literally stamping his name into the side of her head is taking things too far, even for me. I am trying to promise myself that once she is bigger I will start wearing it all the time again and not leave it sitting on my dresser unless there is a special event (like my wedding rings, I am a bad wife.)


Jessica said...

I know how you feel with the bracelet - I feel bad that I haven't been wearing my Riley/Peyton/Cameron necklace too. I do have the plaques I painted for them on the walls so that makes me feel better to see those in the living room. I am sure C.S. will know all about Reid when she gets older <3 Anniversaries are SO hard - I just passed my two year anniversary for losing Riley on 2/11 - (((hugs)))

Merry said...

Oh that bit about stamping his name into her head made me laugh, in a gulpy sob sort of way.

Sigh. It's all utterly impossible. Love as ever.