It feels like everything is stuck. I am stuck in the same place and have no idea how to move forward (or even back for that matter). I can't get thoughts out of my head, into words or writing. It's become nearly impossible to even compose a simple email, even if it is completely trivial and has no mention of feelings. Forget about talking to actual people. I miss the person I used to be or maybe I miss that it used to be relatively easy to be that person. I can't even connect with most of the on-line DBM world. I feel like I don't fit right now because those that are like me (not pregnant and a ways down this road) have found other things to focus on and aren't here all the time, feeling awful and wondering when things will change. I would love to have something else to focus on but nothing interests me, beyond endless games of Spi.der Soli.tare, or else it involves being around "normal" people which I still can't quite manage.
Ugghh.
(That's as eloquent as I can be right now.)
Trying to adjust to life without my son...
10 comments:
I am so sorry that you are feeling stuck right now. The journey of grief doesn't go in a straight line or at a consistent speed. So even though you are stuck for now, you won't be stuck forever. We are all here for you.
My first, not so full of wisdom, response is hang in there. I know I've felt very stuck at times. Right now I think I'm coming out of a rough couple of weeks (I hope anyways).
Sometimes I wonder when I'll stop feeling such a loss at remembering who I was before our daughter died.
I hope it doesn't sting too much for me to write this - but when we were ttc (it happened for us 11 months after Acacia died), I had no idea how to focus on anything else. A few silly people told me to relax - it will happen when it's supposed to, and I always hated that (obviously!). Fortunately it was only said to me a couple of times. I found ttc after our loss to be a heart and gut wrenching experience each month we weren't pregnant, and add that on top of all the other grief. It's just not easy. So, as much as you can, hang in there.
Much love to you.
I'm sending you love and hugs right now sweetheart. I am sorry you feel stuck
It's a terrible feeling- I've been stuck in this kind of a rut (is that what it is? I don't know if there is a word for it) for the last almost two weeks. I'm always terribly sad over missing Claire, but lately I've felt very disconnected from everything in my life. Everyone says it will pass, and I trust that they are right. Tomorrow is another day, and then another, and another and you'll get back to some sense of normalcy .
I was feeling very stuck and sort of still am which is why I took on the whole face2face thing. I'm scared shitless that I will crumble under the amount of responsibility or that it will totally suck and I'll feel bad for it. I was thinking about you today and was / still planning to write you an email. Big love to you momma!
I can't say it better than Big Love, Big Acceptance already has. It's a heart and gut wrenching experience, especially when it takes time. xo
Hey Car, Stuck here too. Got to take a few steps then SLAM! Not the best to cheer you up or give you hope, but just thought I'd let you know I'm back here with you. And I wish I could find something else to focus on, but it keeps sucking me back in. I guess I could focus on the damned laundry ;-) Take care mama.
i found you on creme de la creme. i'm so sorry for your loss and that you're not pregnant again yet. having been through infertility and babyloss (at a much earlier gestation) myself, i can tell you it was the hardest part of my life. wishing you peace as you find your way through.
Sending big hugs...
I wish there was something I could do or say to help!
I'll be thinking of you too love! I want to do something special with hub to remember tomorrow evening when we land (hopefully!). Reid and Juniper will be on my mind! All my love~
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