Monday, October 4, 2010

Angry, Angry, Angry.

And this time it is not just at the universe in general.

As the MIL was leaving today, I was trying to do the right thing and help her load up her car and say goodbye nicely, instead of the pushing her out the door. To be fair, it hadn't been that bad a visit until she felt the need to confess that she had "just snuck into the room to look at Reid's things" while I gave her a goodbye hug. (All Reid's things including his ashes are in our nursery because it's the baby room and he's our baby). I backed away very fast and nearly ran away too but stopped myself. I explained that if she just would have asked, one of us would have taken her into the room. I eventually told her that I was upset but I'd get over it and gave her another hug. Then she starts crying like she's the one who has been violated (and that's how I feel) and it just made me so mad again. She left and I went inside to see if we had any spare drywall for me to put my fist through.

I called D.G. and vented and found out that she had even asked him about Reid's ashes while at the park on Sunday. He told her they were in the baby room and then asked if she had any other questions. He gave her an opening to ask to see Reid's things and she was too chicken-shit to ask, but then she had the nerve to go sneaking into the room and on top of that to confess so that she could feel better. (It definitely didn't make me feel better.) I don't know how I am going to deal with her ever being in my house again.

D.G. is ready to tell her that she isn't welcome to come visit again and honestly I'd be fine with that. How am I supposed to try to make an effort to let D have a relationship with her grandmother when I can't trust her to not go prowling through my house? I know D.G. will regret an estrangement from his mother later on, but right now there's no way for me to tell him that and sound believable. She is so freaking dependent and needy which drives me crazy as it is, but this just takes the cake. What kind of a person sneaks into someone else's dead baby's room? I don't care if he is her grandson (and she had to be reminded of that just a little while ago), he's our baby and if she wanted to see his things, she can fucking ask permission first. AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!


Jessica said...

Holy freaking crap! I would have SCREAMED! I am SO sorry that she was so inconsiderate! I have big issues with my MIL too and I am dreading situations about my miscarriages. She NEVER lets things go and we barely see her - I have NO interest constantly explaining our losses to her. (((hugs))) so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Glad that visit is over for you!!!

Missy said...

Wow I would have been sooo angry too. I was super freaked to come home from the hospital and find that the PIL's (haha) boxed up all the baby's things. I mean I wasn't sure what I even wanted to do with everything, but did not appreciate someone else making the choice for me. Do people not understand this stuff is sacred to us? I still have the urn in the living room. People come over and they look at it weird.

Merry said...


I have a huge amount of sympathy with this - we've got BIG parent issues going on here.

I'm so sorry :(

Natalie Hawley said...

I really hate it when they make it all about them. My MIL is the same way. As if the loss was hers and not ours. I know it is her granddchild but it is my daughter. I hope things work out one way or another, I am also quite happy to never see the inlaws again.

Violet1122 said...

Oh man. This would have REALLY upset me too.

Why couldn't she just ask???

Well, I'm glad she is out of your house for now. You were good to even put up with having a guest. And now you'll never be totally able to trust her..

Ughhhh. Sorry this happened to you. With some people - it is all about themselves.

Angela said...

That is disrespectful and so upsetting. I'm sorry she made it all about what she wanted, and didn't consider your feeling or needs.

Stephanie said...

THAT IS JUST NOT OKAY! You are not kidding ~ that is just enough to make me wanna forbid her from entering the house again...oh wait, I can't do that...she's your MIL. But scarey similar to mine!

I am so sorry. You should have your privacy RESPECTED. Exactly what did she think she was gonna see in there? Do you think she took any of the ashes with her...sorry, that is just the first thing that came to my head.

car said...

Thanks to all of you for being furious on my behalf. It's so good knowing you all are out there and on my side (no "you should be forgiving" b.s.) Love to you all.

lesliedp said...

Wow... just wow....
I think I just might have smacked her- hell I would have smacked her for you just because it would probably feel good right now.

I don't have a lot of tolerance for awful people in this world- patience and forgiveness do NOT come easily to me. I can completely understand where your thoughts of cutting her out completely come from and I have to say I admire you for thinking it might not be the best way to go for D.G.

You are a better woman than I for thinking of that.

Love and grace- Leslie

Lareina said...

So sorry that she invaded his room on you and didn't have the courtesy to ask first. That is terrible. I don't know what I'd do if any of my family would have gone in and touched Kaelen's things. It wouldn't have been pretty... BIG HUGZ.

B said...

screw being forgiving, along with being brave.

i think it's ok not to let her into your house anymore. D can have a relationship with her without her invading your house.

i don't blame you for being angry. like you say, if she'd asked one of you would have showed her.