Thursday, August 12, 2010

Still mush

The feelings are still here (no danger of the anger, bitterness and sadness disappearing anytime soon) but the words just won't come. I read so many blogs, but I can't string together any comments that don't sound totally useless and lame. (but I am definitely reading and thinking of you all)

Tomorrow is my appointment with the counselor from DH"s employee assistance program. I think it will be an initial screening and I hope they have someone who specializes in grief that I can see after this. Hopefully whoever I see tomorrow at least has a clue about dealing with pregnancy loss or infant death. (With my luck it will be a 50 year old man who has never had kids.)

(Okay brief intermission because Family Guy is on and Brian and Stewie were singing "Everything is Better with a Bag of We.ed". For the first time ever, I wish I wasn't asthmatic so I could test that theory. Would having a dead baby be better with a bag of we.ed? hee hee)

We are taking D camping for the first time this weekend. It will be interesting (we will see how much any of us sleeps), but in the end I'll end up thinking that we shouldn't be able to do this because there is no way I'd be sleeping in a tent with a 4 month old. No matter what we do, it always comes back to the fact that it would be different if Reid was here. It's like a broken record in my head. Anyone want to trade records with me?


Catherine W said...

I love Family Guy.

I hope that you get to see a good counsellor. I would definitely recommend trying to get hold of someone who has a specialist interest in infant death. I was lucky enough to see a therapist who worked at the NICU so she had a lot of experience dealing with issues emerging following the loss of a baby. I found it really helped. I can imagine that it might go the opposite way with some other counsellors?

Hope the camping goes well. It would be different, I know. It should be different. I wish it was.

Would, should, could. More than happy to trade records but I think you'd find that mine plays a very similar song. x

Sadkitty said...

Well, not to be Devil's advocate here, but brownies don't cause asthma flare-ups ;-)

We are going camping next weekend too. I have camped with babies a lot, so it will be a whole different sad from yours, but I feel ya...

Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say said...

Ha, ha. Pretty sure you don't want to trade records with me. :)

Hope the camping trip is sleeplessly fun!

Glo said...

I have the name and number of the bereavement counselor for the region....if you are interested. She see's pts at the Alex.

Anonymous said...

I certainly hope I don't lose friends for saying this but... my experience in the last three months is that yes, having a dead baby IS better with a bag of weed. :P

But its time to stop that, I want a 2nd baby, and I certainly don't condone combining the two.

Jessica said...

Just came across your blog and I am so sorry for your loss of little Reid. I lost my daughter 2 days after her birth almost three years ago and reading your blog brings back my memories of that terrible pain of the early months after we lost her. You will be in my thoughts as you try to get through the toughest days of this new, crappy journey.

car said...

Apparently I am so sweet and innocent that I didn't realize that if I wanted to test that theory about the bag of weed, all I had to do was hop over our back fence and talk to the neighbors. I can't even recognize the smell anymore (my one year in a dorm was 14 years ago) so I better stick to the booze.