Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I want MY life back. I want to be "normal". I want to be happy to run into people I haven't seen in months (Of course if I had my life back I probably would have seen these people months ago.) I want to be able to love babies again. I want to not have to literally flee the room when people show up with babies (to an event whose rules said REGISTERED CHILDREN ONLY - MAKE OTHER ARRANGEMENTS FOR YOUR OTHER CHILDREN) I want to not have to worry about having a break down in the kids section of the library and scaring small children.

5 comments:

Lareina said...

Hugz!

Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say said...

Hang in there. This is so very hard. The death of your sweet boy was only a few months ago. I can say from my limited experience (almost 10 months out from the death of my baby girl), the grief keeps changing. I am not who I was, and I will never be that woman again. I think one of the hardest things for me with the death of my daugther was also the death of me in a sense. And figuring out who I am now... and wanting to be normal again, yet sensing there was no return to what was normal before.

There's the saying that time heals all wounds (blah, blah - whatever). But a wise friend of my husband's shared his thoughts about the death of our daughter - he told us that time doesn't heal all wounds (genius!), but that it does help to wear down the sharp edges. This has been true for me. Most days I don't feel so raw and vulnerable anymore. I believe that's largely due to time, and to working with a great therapist! :)

(((Hugs))) to you!

Amy said...

Hi,

Found you through the site "faces of loss, faces of hope"

I'm so sorry for your loss of Reid. Your story really hit close to my heart... my son died soon after being born alive and declared healthy. Born crying and critical less than 10 minutes later. It has been nearly 3 years since that terrible day and I wonder how I've made it so far without my son.

I know your loss is super fresh and painful, and I wish you all the love and healing possible.

My blog is set to private, but I am totally willing to invite new readers (if interested). Just send me an email with your emails address should you like to read about my grief journey after losing Liam.

roxydog77@gmail.com

Again, I'm so sorry.

Lucid Anne said...

I completely understand. I wish I could be that person again, the one who loved seeing babies and pregnant people because THAT WAS MY LIFE! :( Instead, I avoid them like the plague. I can't look pregnant women in the eye.

I often wonder how many people I hurt with my own pregnancy, with my own glow and Madonna smile. :(

Catherine W said...

I would love to be "normal" again, I'd even settle just for a day or two.