Monday, July 19, 2010

"Do you have to go there?"

Yesterday we were sitting outside watching D play with some junk from DH's tool box. She was so proud of her "new tools" and was carefully lining them up on a ledge at the top of her playhouse. I asked her why she didn't use the shelf right at her eye level. She didn't answer but DH said, "She is putting them up where no one else can reach them." I replied, "If only she had someone here that she needed to protect her things from...". DH then said, "Do you have to go there?" and I had to tell him that I don't have to go there, I am there all the time.

I live in Dead Baby Land and the "what-if's", "should-be's" and "I miss Reid's" are all around me all the time. Right now I live right smack in the middle of Dead Baby Land. Maybe someday I'll get to move to the edge or even just come here for visits but I am a citizen for life and there will always be times when I "have to go there".


Danae said...

You're right...we occupy that place right now...I'm sorry your husband said that to you. I know it's a different experience for them, and they still grieve and feel the pain...but, sometimes I think they don't get it at all.

I look forward to the day when we aren't full-time occupants, and can just be "visitors".

Lara + Chris said...

OMG, that's exactly something my husband would say. EXACTLY.

Huge, huge hugs.

Anonymous said...

I totally get you. I am a month short of my son's 3rd birthday and I'm still there every day. It's not a choice, it just IS.

Sending some sunshine.

Catherine W said...

My husband had said this EXACT thing to me. I don't think he understands why I need to keep bringing it up but she is always in my thoughts.
I think I've got a lifetime membership for DBL too and there will always be times when I "have to go there."