Friday, March 25, 2011

Condsidering cutting something else

I bought a keepsake box a few days ago. It's mostly black with red gerbera-ish flowers on it. Probably was never intended to hold anything like a baby's ashes, but that's what I'm going to use it for. The gerbera box fits the box that holds Reid's ashes, the clothes he was supposed to wear home and the blanket I made for him, but just barely. The lid just barely closes because I made the blanket big enough to swaddle a 3 month old, just in case he liked that sort of thing (his big sister did). Of course he never got near that blanket because it never came into the hospital, but it is still his blanket. Am I a horrible mom for even considering splitting the blanket to make it fit better?

If I split it into 4 pieces, I can put one in the gerbera box with Reid's ashes, keep one for me to hold onto when I'm having a bad day and maybe the other 2 pieces can be incorporated in a new blanket, someday, maybe, if things ever work out.

The odds of things working out seem pretty low though as it seems every other day brings news of another DBM losing their subsequent pregnancy. So much love to you all.

8 comments:

LauraJane said...

I don't think you're a horrible mother for splitting the blanket into more pieces. I'm sure having a piece to hold onto during hard days will be very comforting to you.

Missy said...

I would totally split it, because my neurotic self would want there to be pieces around just in case one was ever destroyed. I hope I did not just instill panic in you, because that's really all my crazy. I like that you have a piece to hold onto when the day is bad. I am still toying around with a weighted object, preferably a monkey. It's been so long but I would really like to know what 7 lbs 6 oz feels like again. All my love to you mama~ Did you get your hair done?

delaney's mom said...

splitting the blanket seems like a wonderful idea to me. i would love to have something like that to cuddle and cry on when i needed to. also you could do a lot with it later perhaps with another sibling blanket in the future to remind them of their big brother or a keepsake for your daughter to remind her of her little brother when she's older. good luck with this - we still aren't sure what to do with Lillian's ashes and it's been almost 10 months.

Merry said...

I've got remnants of wool of Freddie's blanket in his memory box. Maybe think long and hard till it feels right, absolutely right, before you cut it? (Or if you have remnants, use them for now?)

Amanda said...

I think splitting the blanket sounds like a wonderful idea. Reid will have part of it, you will have part of it, and when/if you have another child, the blanket can be used by that child as well. It's a beautiful way to stay connected.

Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say said...

I have similar thoughts to others that splitting the blanket sounds beautiful to me. At first when I read it, I thought - oh, no, you can't cut it. Then when you went on to say why you were thinking about doing that, it made so much sense and sounded beautiful. For me, it's so hard to pack up Acacia's things (the few things I identify as hers), and it's a balance for me between putting things in her memory box, and keeping some things out - for my own memory and to let other people that enter my home know we had a child (like keeping a photo of me, my dh and her on our bookcase in the living room). At the end of the day, I think we each need to do what we need to do. And it can feel frustrating because what we need/want can change... so really, do what's right for you.

Love to you.

Violet1122 said...

I love the idea of splitting the blanket! I think it would take a lot of courage to make that first cut, but I bet you will be so glad to have a piece of the blanket to hold on to for yourself.

Lareina said...

I had to get a separate box just for Kaelen's blanket because it was too big as well. I think that it is a great idea to split it (if you are up for it of course) and keep one piece for yourself and some for your future babies. Hugz.