Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Another kind of waiting (that I don't like)

I seem to have developed on obsession with my hair (after not thinking about it enough for the last year). And while I do need a haircut, I'm pretty sure that I'm using it as an distraction, a way to avoid thinking about the milestone I am about to hit. (One year of DBM-hood does seems to a milestone you hit, not something you pass by.) Do I really want to change myself in someway to mark the 1 year anniversary or just avoid thinking about the 1 year anniversary altogether? I wish I could separate these things but they are intertwined in my head.

I started dreading the 1 year mark a couple months ago but now I just want to get to the other side of it. The pressure to somehow make it special and meaningful combined with the uncertainty about if or how the majority of people in my life are going to recognize Reid's "birthday" just doesn't sit well with me. I just want it to be that day already so I can do whatever I will do and deal with the reality instead of the possibilities.


Angela said...

Whatever you do for Reid's first birthday will be perfect: cut your hair, stay in, go out, release balloons ...

That being said, I'm feeling a little lost myself about her "birthday." Whatever you do there will be so many thinking of you and your family on Reid's day.

Missy said...

I know I have a couple of months to go, but my greatest worry is the same. People won't remember. I know I'm covered as far as the blm community goes, but what about friends and family. I just don't want to know the incredible hurt and disappointment I am positive will come with the day. I don't want to have to remind people or make people feel like they must participate in whatever shenanigans I come up with. I just ranted on your blog. I'm sorry. I know the fears and I hope for your sake that it's as perfect as perfect can be when the little boy isn't here to enjoy it. All my love to you Car~

B said...

I couldn't stand the thought of people forgetting so I talked about it in the run up. I got more messages than I'd expected.

The way I rationalised it was, people don't know what to do or what to say and even if they do remember (as I suspect more do than we sometimes think) they don't necessarily say anything for fear of 'upsetting us' (yes, that old chestnut). So I thought that I'd rather make it obvious to people that I needed them to remember and see what happened. And like I said, I got more messages than I'd expected (and from people I didn't expect, too).

YMMV obviously, but it worked for me.

The anticipation was WAY worse than the day itself, too. That also varies from person to person, but does seem true for a lot of people.

I don't think there's anything wrong with distracting yourself from obsessing about the anniversary. I think most of us do it at least some of the time.

thinking of you hon xxx