Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Name Game

I don't know what process any of you went through when you were picking names for your kids, but I definitely followed the rule that if any of my friends or even friends of friends already used the name, it was basically off the list. We managed to find names that were uncommon, but not strange (at least in my opinion).

I went on FB today to respond to a message (and that's basically the only time I go on these days, yay me for kicking the FB addiction) and then decided to check on an old work friend who I had hidden this summer when she announced she was due in November with boy #4. Her son is fine of course, but they named him Reed. I am totally freaked out by this. (Yes they spelled it differently but it's the same name to me.) I know she knows that Reid is my dead son's name, she sent me a sympathy card in April. I also know that she was very angry when she was pregnant with her 1st son when another friend named their son Kade, knowing that her son was going to be named Kaden. (Heck every 3rd baby boy was named Kaden that year.) After that she got more unusual with her name choices and her boys are the only ones I know with their names. So why did she (and her husband) chose Reed for this, baby? I'd be very touched if someone chose Reid for their child's middle name, but it feels like his name has been stolen because his death put it up for grabs again.

Am I the only person who thinks that my dead baby's name should be taken "off the market" for all our friends? What would you do if someone used your child's name less than a year after they died and without having the decency to let you know , besides posting it on FB?

13 comments:

Sadkitty said...

That would really freak me out and piss me off in a big way.

We went to a memorial thingy at Brief Encounters on Monday and there was another baby on the list named Juniper. That really bummed me out too.

Emily said...

This would massively piss me off. And we chose "Aidan"...it's the most popular freakin' name in 2010. We chose Aidan's name many many years ago for our 'first boy'. When we found out he was likely going to die, I wanted to change it to something less popular and also that I had attached less 'living child' thoughts to. It just seemed so cruel to think of MY Aidan as dead. My husband however refused. He felt the name belonged to Aidan. Which we stuck with since my husband blurted out that the baby's name was Aidan in the delivery room.

Still...I love love love the name Aidan and not only does it kill me that he's dead, it kills me that the baby I dreamed of for years named "Aidan" is dead too.

So yeah. I totally feel your pissed off-ness.

Missy said...

Chai's name is extremely uncommon in the US, so I doubt it would happen. But I do understand how angry that would make you. I have never even spoken my "girl" name out loud to anyone but the hub for fear it would be stolen before I could use it. Damn names anyways. Thinking of you and Reid (always think of a grade school friend of mine because this was her last name with the "i" even.)

Princess Andy said...

probably my heart would pause every single time there was mention of the old friend and her child.

that's just ick.

and i'm sure she's well aware that this name choice is very distasteful on her part...to try to change it up by altering the spelling speaks volumes.

~but i hope you always think of your reid first. i'm sure everyone else who knows you and this old friend will.

<3

Merry said...

Well i was completely freaked when a blogger who knew me not at all and who had 4 girls named her 5th child, a boy, Freddie in the summer.

So yes, I'd be gutted. My sister had a boy shortly after Freddie and I was torn between hoping she'd use his name as a middle name and desperately hoping she wouldn't.

I kind of hope my girls might.

Dana said...

If the person told me ahead of time, it wouldn't be so bad. But it only wouldn't be bad if I knew that they were naming their baby after mine. Just to use the name would feel like a stab in the heart. I think I would have trouble seeing the person who named their baby the same name I did. It would be too hard to hear another little boy being called Jacob. It is even hard to hear when I am with my nephew in the park and I hear someone calling a boy I don't even know Jacob or Jake.

Leannehoovler said...

I think you have every right to be upset! Out of respect for you and Reid, she should have at lest asked you what your thoughts and feelings were on the matter. I agree that his name is just that, HIS NAME! No one has the right to take it just because he is no longer here. She should have known better, especially since she got so upset about her sons name being partially used for another little boy. I say shame on her. That's just my opinion though.

Catherine W said...

Oh no. I definitely agree with you, Reid's name should be 'off the market', it's HIS name. She wouldn't have called her son Reed if your Reid was alive would she? Especially given how she felt about the whole Kade / Kayden thing?
It would have been slightly easier to swallow if she had at least contacted you and asked you how you felt about it. Ick. Sorry that you had to find out about it in such an awful, impersonal way too.

B said...

even if she'd called you and presented you with a fait accompli that would still have been out of order. to hide it just means she knows it was insensitive at best and cruel at worst. i'm sorry you've got yet another thing to deal with :(

J. said...

I've been following your blog for a little while. I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's terrible too that she didn't tell you beforehand about the name. I had an online friend who called her daughter something very similar to mine (one syllable different, but based on the same root) and she was kind enough to ask me beforehand if it was okay. I kept thinking, wow, that's nice...but does my opinion matter...what would she have done if I said no...but I said it was fine, and thanked her for checking with me and asking me beforehand instead of just springing it on me...to me, her daughter's name was still slightly different enough that it wasn't exactly the same in my mind. But I wish others out there would be as considerate and either not use the same names or ask the bereaved parents for their input first.

Jessica said...

Not being told by her is SO not ok! I'm so sorry for you to have to deal with this. It is very insensitive of her!

Suzy said...

Oh boy do I ever understand.
The same thing happened to us but it was my own sister in law who did it.
You can read about it here http://nosuzyhomemaker.blogspot.com/2010/05/good-newsbad-news-day.html and again here http://nosuzyhomemaker.blogspot.com/2010/06/one-where-i-ramble-and-curse-lot.html

I am so sorry this happened to you. It is just painful and horrible.

HSQUARED said...

The fact that she didn't even give you a heads up or call or anything suggest that she is not as good as a friend as you might have thought. I had a friend use my son's middle name. The day her son was born and announced the name, I felt like I had gotten kicked in the stomach. I don't "own" the name but seriously, she should have talked to me. so sorry. I understand your pain. I can't blog about it because she reads my blog. :(