Saturday, September 4, 2010

What's a DBM to do?

Welcome to the first official blog post written on my fancy-schmancy new laptop. Thanks to my mushy brain and inability to make decisions, it took me over a month to finally decide what I wanted and actually buy something. But now that I have, it's pretty fabulous (I bought a VAIO 15.5" with a Core i3 just in case any other DBM's are closet tech geeks). It is a vast improvement over the old laptop (now D.G.'s exclusive gaming machine). Now D.G. and I have another way to be in the same room and not actually speak for hours on end.

Reid's 5 month anniversary did not have big surprises. I survived the appointments with the counselor and lawyer with the socially acceptable amounts of crying (lots and none respectively). It was kind of weird having D.G. at the counselor's with me but at least now they have met and I know that D.G. will come back if I need him to. I now get to add panic attacks to my list of symptoms as this was how the therapist labeled my description of my reaction to coming home from vacation. We also got a phone call from my pregnancy gp, Dr. K. She wanted to let me know that while the autopsy still hasn't been finalized, (seriously 5 months?) she has managed to track down the name of the pathologist working on the report and is going to try to find out what's going on this coming week. She also told me that she thinks about us on the 3rd of every month and still feels sad (She's had other patients lose babies but never quite like us). I still think Dr.K is great and will be calling her office as soon as there are two lines on that stick.

Now that I can finally stop researching laptops, I need a new obsession. For the last week, I have been getting the urge to do something "crazy". Mostly I think it is just the normal female urge to change something on the outside to symbolize the changes on inside. Besides, I don't have the energy to do anything truly crazy these days and I have a 3 year old who has to come along on most of my adventures any ways. I don't want to cut my hair off (it takes way too damn long to grow out) and I don't want to color it because my natural color is so dark that it would take way too much effort/money to maintain. I already look like crap 90% of the time, I don't need to add roots on top of the pasty skin and huge dark circles. I am willing to consider a tattoo but D.G. did point out that I spent over a month researching a laptop that just sits in the house and I'll have for a few years tops, so it could take me years to chose a design and artist for something like a tattoo. Any ideas out there for what a indecisive DBM can do to be crazy without being too crazy? I don't want the husband to start looking up crisis hot-line numbers, I just need to "do" something.


Lareina said...

Ummm... I could teach you to crochet... Or decorate cakes... Those are the new things I've done since losing Kaelen... I'm such a wild and crazy gal! Lol

Angela said...

I know exactly how you feel. After 5 years of blond highlights and having to keep up with going to the hairdresser I had my hairdresser bleach my hair and then dye it as close to its natural color as possible. I look in the mirror and see a different person and I like it.

As for you ... nose piercing? Cooking? I've started baking bread recently and I really like it. Learn a foreign language?

That's all I have. Hopefully someone else will have a better suggestion.

Merry said...

My mission today is to do something arty for StillLife365 - would that be a start?

Not really crazy.

I'm no good at crazy.

I've just told my mum off - try that?

Missy said...

The fella and I just got tattoos last Thursday, one day prior to the two month anniversary. I knew right away I would do this. They are so beautiful. Good luck on your quest!

Dana said...

"Now D.G. and I have another way to be in the same room and not actually speak for hours on end"

I found this phrase so funny! I can relate!

I'm glad DG came to the counsellor's with you and is willing to go back again if needed.

The autopsy still isn't done! That is ridiculous! My OB said that it would take up to 6 weeks for Jacob's autopsy results. When I went for my 6 week post-partum, it still wasn't in and she said it should be 2 more weeks tops and she ended up getting the report at about 7 weeks. She said it took so long because the lab has to do more urgent testing first...cancer biopsies, etc.

It is so sweet that your doctor thinks about you every month on the 3rd. I just love that she does. I've wondered if I stand out to my OB now, since my baby was stillborn, but she has never said anything like that. It's touching to know that you aren't just another patient and your doctor really does care about you.

I wish I had some ideas for you. I've been wanting to get a tattoo, but a few things keep stopping me. I can't decide where to get it, although I think I've settled on my left ankle now, I can't decide on the design for sure, and I'm scared to get it in case I get something. I know the chances are slim (as are the chances of a stillbirth), but it scares me. I don't want to do anything that could effect the next pregnancy.

Oh, I do knit and it helps pass the hours and I'm doing something productive. Of course, my favorite thing to knit is baby clothes, so it isn't always the best, depending on my state of mine.

Elaine said...

This post made me laugh a little, from one mushy brained momma to another.
I've decided on a tattoo but am waiting until I'm done have kids, living or dead. That way I can incorporate all of them into one tribute to Blaine.
Blogging has been my crazy thing to do, something pre DBM wouldn't have done.
Whatever you do I hope it's something you can find some peace and relaxation in. Maybe take up going to the spa as a hobby!?!?

Kristin said...

I got a tattoo and peirced my nose, still looking for some other crazy change too. But like you, I don't want to cut my long hair, or dye it, so I am considering some thick/blunt bangs or something (even though I've been told they don't work with 'round' faces like mine, ha).

Anonymous said...

I was just gonna say Kristin pierced her nose and I got a tattoo. : ) You can always get something really small and hidden (like on a shoulder) if you don't want to worry about spending ages planning some big perfect design. Like a small flower or initial or footprint.

Anonymous said...

My middle name is crazy --- you'd think I could come up with something for you…

How about a ridiculously awesome Halloween party? You can do some crazy shit with a bottle of black vodka and those special pumpkin knives!

Violet1122 said...

Hmmmm. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to do something crazy. But I've never figured out what to do for myself!

I guess I'm just too chicken to get a tattoo, go skydiving, change my hair, etc.

I got into a hard rock phase for awhile. My husband would come home from work, with loud metal music blasting throughout the house... looking at me like I was totally nuts.

That lasted a couple of weeks and was about the craziest I've ever been.

I hope you can come up with something that's right for you!

B said...

i've been trying to decide on a tattoo since i was like 18. (i'm now 34.) but since losing the baby i'm a lot closer to actually doing it.

just post pics if you actually do it :)

Jessica said...

I am getting a tattoo. The goal is to get it before Oct. 15th or maybe on Oct. 15th depending on how it works out. I am getting the awareness ribbon in between little angel wings with 'too beautiful for Earth' over top and the dates my angels grew wings. The only way I can think to always have them with me. Good luck! Piercings are less permanent so you could think of that ;)

Megan said...

Jealousy and a dieing computer promoted me to have to buy a new fancy shmancy computer myself :)