This morning I realized a few things:
- People who started ttc at the same time we started (Jan. 2009) have almost 1 year olds right now. Heck, I bet some of them are trying for another baby by now.
- People who managed to conceive 1 year after we started (no matter how long it took) are about to have their babies.
- If we had not conceived Reid, by January 2010, we would have been able to get medical help to conceive and could right now be pregnant with a lovely baby who might live past birth.
I love Reid, but if someone told me that I could have spent an extra 6 months unsucessfully ttc versus 6 months mourning a dead child, I know which I would pick. TTC is an awful kind of slow torture, but to me it's not as bad as having 9 months of hopes and dreams literally turned into ashes.
7 comments:
<3 :hugs:
Or maybe you'd rather come over to my place, drink a bottle of wine with me and then smash a bunch of dishes in the backyard? : ) I like THAT idea.
(((hugs))) life just plain sucks sometimes! I think smashing dishes sounds amazing! ;) I'm down with a white padded soundproof room that I can punch and kick and scream in too ;)
Thinking of you...
Yep :(
Lots of love.
I hear ya. Sometimes I wonder...what if we weren't ttc the month we conceived Acacia? What if we had just tried a different day... so many what-if's, and amazingly scary how that one moment in time, when Acacia was conceived, changed my life forever. In ways I could never have imagined or wished for.
I wish I knew something I could say.
It all sucks.
The wondering will probably stick with us forever.
Thinking of you often...
i wish i didn't understand all this. it hurts, doesn't it?
it's not fair.
Those realizations are awful. The timings of my ttc, pregnancies and the children that I have at home are ALL out of whack. The girls were born six months after we started trying for them. And now I've been trying ttc for far longer than the entire first pregnancy lasted.
The last line brings tears to my eyes, I'm so sorry. xo
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