Thursday, September 9, 2010

I feel like I'm stuck in a deep and terrible rut. I am trapped in a lonely and desolate place. I don't know which way I am supposed to go or if there even is any where for me to go. I "know" how I got here, but sometimes it still seems surreal. I am so tired so having to force myself to do things for my daughter of husband. I'm sick not being able to really enjoy anything without thinking about how things should be different.

6 comments:

Princess Andy said...

car,

this is still very raw for you.

it sucks and it should not be this way.

it sounds like maybe it's time for some intervention...and if nobody is noticing how much you are struggling then maybe you have to try to muster up some courage to reach out.

there are a lot of resources, and i'm sure you've had enough of them shoved down your throat already...but maybe speaking with some other moms who have experiences similar to yours would help you to not feel so alone.

and now i'll fuck off with my unsolicited advice, just know that there are people out there who do not know your pain but want to reach out to you in your time of need...and some of us are closer than you think.

i have access to starbucks you know...also, relax pills. (this is my half assed attempt at humour).

love and kindness,

andrea

Dana said...

I feel EXACTLY the same way.

Violet1122 said...

I'm sorry you are in this rut. It's torture.

I don't really have any wisdom to share - but I can say it doesn't last forever.

Sending lots of prayers and big hugs!

Jessica said...

The truth is that it sucks! It sucks that any of us have to be a part of Dead Baby Land. You have not been mourning all that long (no matter what others may think). Nothing about losing your baby is easy. I cannot fully understand your exact circumstances but I am sending my love your way. Hope tomorrow brings even a tiny bit of sunshine... <3

Lareina said...

Just sending you big hugs... I'm here whenever you feel ready to talk. I know it's hard with my news but I still want to be there for you in whatever way I can, even if it's just over the phone or in an e-mail (and I'll totally shut up about me, I promise). I think about you everyday and wonder how you're doing and want to help... Hugs.

Lareina

Lucid Anne said...

Oh Car. <3 I wish I knew what to do, or the magic works to make it ok. :( All I have is hugs. <3