Sunday, May 9, 2010

I Am The ... Wallower

I spent my 1st Mother's Day as a DBM alone in my bedroom. D was in and out of course but I was by myself for most of the day. I couldn't make myself call my mom and no one called me. Not sure if that's what I wanted to happen or not but it's too late to change things now. After 2 weeks of "being strong" I just needed a day to wallow in my grief and let everything out. I fantasize about letting myself be a basket case for a week straight, but really the only thing that would do is make me feeling guilty for neglecting D. I know I should feel happy that I have a living child and that I am a mother, but the hurt and grief over Reid's death is still too fresh.

3 comments:

Lareina said...

Hugz, chickee... I didn't know if you'd want a phone call today or not. Sorry. You are totally allowed to hang out in bed all day. I went to my inlaws and then came home and snuggled in bed watching treehouse with Marrah so my day wasn't a lot different. Some weeks I'd love to just stay in bed too... But the guilt sets in so I get up and go anyways... Totally totally normal. Big hugz.

B said...

i'm glad you got a day to yourself to grieve. i still can't imagine how difficult it must be to care for a living child while grieving for a dead one. throw mother's day into the mix, and the fact you survived at all is impressive.
xox

Glo said...

Grief has no set rules or timelines. Do what feels right for you. If you need some time take it. Your daughter will be ok.