Saturday, October 6, 2012

Capture Your Grief: Day 6

This one is hard for me. I know plenty of people said the usual insensitive things to me, but I don't think there were any whoppers like some of the things posted by the mamas in the FB event. If there were, time has given me the gift of forgetfulness about the people's lack of understanding.

What sticks with me the most is the people who said nothing, ever, like my own brother. Or the people who send cards and emails right after but then said nothing for months. Or the people who were supportive for the first month and then said nothing for months except for including me in the completely insensitive mass email about the safe arrival of their own baby.

My mom made the standard excuses for them all; it's hard to know to say, they don't want things to be awkward so they don't bring it up, they don't want to upset you by saying the wrong thing. What's hard is leaving your baby in a morgue and making arrangements to have them cremated. What's awkward is having to call government agencies and hr departments and explain that you are applying for bereavement leave, not parental leave. What's upsetting is having your baby die and then having most of the people you know not care enough to do something "hard" or "awkward" when you are going through the worst pain of your life.


Jeanette said...

Oh I agree. The nothing is so much harder. The people most guilty of this are my family members, especially my Mum and my Mother in law. I just don't know how they can ignore their grand child. x

Lisa said...

Totally agree. The people who were there at first and then change the subject when I saw anything related to adelyn, they are the worst. I think it would have been easier if they had never been supportive, then to stop being. Makes me feel like they forgot her.