Friday, April 13, 2012

Another way loss has changed me

A normal mom whose new baby sleeps through the night will wake up and rush to the baby's crib to see if they are okay.

Me, I wake and realize that C.S. has slept through the night and I wait a few minutes to go check on her because I know if something terrible has happened, it is now too late to stop it. I want a few more minutes of the life where she is probably alive. There's no point in rushing into a place where your heart is crushed into a million pieces again.

C.S. is fine this time, but I know there is no guarantee that it will always be that way.


Jessica said...

(((hugs))) I know that this will be something that I deal with too. I'm glad C.S. is fine and I pray she will continue to be!

Lisa said...

Oh yes.....sometimes I am afraid to go in to wake Coen up in the morning because I'm afraid something might have happened to him during the night.

Catherine W said...

Oh Car. I'm so glad it's not just me. My husband can't understand why I don't rush to the children when I have a little scare. But I know that it happens so quickly and you are so powerless to prevent it, that there is no point in running in and I want to have a few last minutes.