Thursday, December 1, 2011

Not everything will go away if you ignore it long enough

This is the post I was planning to write when the pregnancy announcement of the previous post arrived.

Before that email, I was obsessing about the last upsetting email I received, but have been too scared/angry/have enough shit to deal with already (not sure if there is a really a correct term for my feelings at this point) to read. I just saw who the sender was and stuck it in the first folder I could drag it into before the preview pane could kick in. It was from M of this post and this post. (I had to go back to read these posts myself and remember what was going on back then.) I am somewhat ashamed that I never did deal with that issue after receiving her letter but I did have an miscarriage a week later, followed by Reid's 1st birthday, Easter, Mother's Day and then getting pregnant again, so I will let myself off the hook for that. (An appreciation for the merits of procrastination is definitely a post-Reid facet of my personality.)

I had been toying around with the idea of finding that letter and dealing with things back in September when D started preschool again and I had a little time to myself during the day, but then other stuff came up and the next thing I know it's the end of November and I've been on bed rest for a month. You would think that being on bed rest would give me time to deal with issues like this, but it's amazing how the days just start to fade into one another and soon it's been 5 days since you got an email that you meant to reply to right away and those are the from the people you are happy to hear from.

I probably should find the letter now and then read the email. (Well likely I will have to ask D.G. to find it since prowling around the house is not on my list of approved activities and once I'm allowed to do it, I won't have time.) I know I should be a grown up and deal with this stuff, but I have latched onto the excuse that because I can't reward myself for being a grown-up with ice cream, (I have GD on top of the other issues) I therefore don't have to do grown up things that are awkward or upsetting. (Except for the bi-weekly internal ultrasounds to measure my cervix, those are always awkward and sometimes upsetting, but I can't figure out a way to avoid them.)

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