Do I still get to count the months? I know if Reid was here, I would say I had a 13 month old, not just a 1 year old, so I know I want keep counting the months. I miss Reid so much and sometimes I still can't believe that the baby boy I carried will never grow up and be a little boy or a big boy or a man. The last 13 months have gone by so quickly but the last 395 days have crawled by. Each day seems so long and filled with an endless number of reminders and triggers and things to just force myself to just get through, but then I can't believe how much time has passed since this all started.
I am still reading books written by other babyloss moms and by this point they all seem to have either a subsequent baby/pregnancy or some deeper spiritual understanding of the experience or even both by this point. Clearly I have neither of these and obviously have no idea how to achieve them either. (Well I understand how babies are supposed to be conceived but that hasn't made it happened.) Am I just a really slow learner or I am going to be stuck here in Dead Baby Land forever?