Trying to adjust to life without my son...
Friday, April 1, 2011
Not funny
Not a fan of April Fools here. Last year, I thought it was be so funny if I had my baby on April 1st. I imagined how I could mess with all my family and friends about baby's arrival or gender. Of course then Reid died less than 2 days later. April 3rd is just too close to April 1st to not be linked in my mind: "You thought you were going to take home a live baby, ha ha, the joke's on you." And then this year: "You thought you could actually get pregnant, ha ha, fooled you again." I am seriously afraid of this time of year now. Next year I may ask to be placed in a medically induced coma from mid-March until the evening of April 2nd. What little mental health I have left needs to be preserved, I just have to find a doctor to agree with me.
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4 comments:
:(
I'm not a fan either.
Me neither.
When I was 18, my friend died in April.
5 years ago I discovered and said goodbye to a pregnancy in April.
Last year I made the same jokes as you. April contains Freddie's birthday, death day, life, funeral.
When I found out I was expecting him in April, the first thing I said was "I'll either have something good in April, or another tragedy."
Last year April Fool was my last ever happy day. It sucks, doesn't it?
Sending you love, oh twin sister in sadness.
(Sort of amused that the captcha is 'dogshi'... for want of a t....
I hate it too. This was the EDD for my loss and it really does just feel like the universe playing some cruel joke. I hate feeling no closer to holding a baby in my arms. I swear, I just hear someone say April Fools and I want to shove a sock in their mouth.
Sending you so much love today and Sunday.
Yucky it is! Sending love and I will be remembering Reid with you on his first birthday. Damn that made me cry. Love to you~
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