My parents were in town for a few days so things were busy around here. D loved having them here to constantly entertain her and rarely, if ever, say no to her requests for more stories, more songs or more colouring. They left Friday for holiday on the West Coast and will return next Saturday in time for my niece's baptism next Sunday. Not sure about how that's going to go seeing as the SIL's many relatives are a very fertile bunch and I don't really want to spend the afternoon explaining the absence of my second child, one week before the anniversary of his birth/death. I'm going to avoid thinking about it as long as possible. (That's also been my strategy for dealing with work, still on unpaid leave, and my doctor told me it sounded like a good way to deal with it to her.)
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D is now done all the activities I signed her up for this winter and now we have a break for the next two weeks. The timing is less than ideal for me as I really don't need to be sitting around with no reason to get of the house in the two weeks leading up to Reid's birthday/anniversary but no one asked me when they should schedule spring break this year. I still haven't decided exactly what is happening to mark Reid's day, but it will be pretty low key.
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The impending anniversary is forcing me to admit a few things too. I can finally admit that I "need" a hair cut, but I still can't make myself go to my hairstylist, P, even though she cuts D and D.G.'s hair too so I have seen her many times in the last year. I am tempted to walk into a random salon and just get my hair hacked off, but I don't know where to go and I am afraid of hurting P's feelings because she would definitely be able to tell that I got it cut the next time. Is it weird that I think maybe I need to get it cut before the anniversary to symbolize starting a new year without my son?
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Still don't know what to do about M, but I am trying to figure something out so I will take that as progress.
Trying to adjust to life without my son...
4 comments:
So totally understand the haircut thing, there is something about sitting in that chair, with wet hair that's so vulnerable.
I hacked at my own hair for as long as I could until a lovely woman I knew from school offered to come to my home and cut my hair, after I approached her about going to her salon.
She realised I couldn't face the salon, and I'm very grateful to her for that.
I've never made it back to my old hairdresser, too many bad memories.
x
did i miss the post where you decided to neglect yourself and not get even a trim? has this really been doing on for nearly a year? i sure hope not! cut your hair woman! it isn't a crime.
looking forward to hearing how you celebrate reid's birthday. trust me, it's not half as scary as it seems in your head.
love to you friend,
j:
I think it will be a year next week since scissors have gotten near my head. It isn't about denying myself a haircut, it is that getting a haircut for me is a very social thing and I still don't feel like I could sit for an hour and socialize with someone about the normal trivial haircut kind of stuff.
I go to a cheap place because I learned long ago that it doesn't matter how much I pay for it, it isn't going to be what I want anyways. So often I am tempted to pick up the hub's clippers and pull a Britney. I really liked Carly's idea about taking a photo of the sunrise and sunset on the date. I think that would be pretty emotional and special all the same. I'm planning for that. Good luck with the baptism I'll be there with you in spirit when you want to whisper not so nice things. All my love mama~
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