This weekend my brother (the one who has never even mentioned Reid or his death to me) and SIL finally called and invited us to my niece's christening at the end of March. I knew about it a month ago, but second hand from my mom and aunt. I was actually hoping they wouldn't call so I could pitch a giant immature fit about not being invited when my parents came to town for the christening. (The christening is being held in the city we live next to because SIL's family all lives here.) I know it would be pointless to throw a massive tantrum over this and nothing would change anyways, but that's how I feel these days. Fantasies about screaming and crying and telling of my family are competing for head space with fantasies about getting a BFP. (The live baby fantasies have been shelved for fear they will never become reality.)
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The headaches and stomach cramps have not stopped, but now D.G. has them too it appears that it is a bug. He's a huge baby when he's sick but at least he'll stop bugging me that I need to go the doctor. Seriously what is a doctor going to do for headaches and stomach cramps besides say they are likely symptoms of stress/depressions and suggest an AD? I just have to find a way to get us both feeling better in time for this month's "fertile window". Its our last chance to get pregnant (and know that we are pregnant) before Reid's 1 year anniversary and as unsexy as I feel now, I can't imagine that I will feel any better at the end of March.
2 comments:
i would be pissed off having my opportunity to have a fit about not being invited taken away too, especially after hearing a while ago about the christening.
i have everything crossed for you for this month. i know how important it is to be pregnant and before the anniversary. thinking of you xx
I'm with you. I feel spiteful and really want to make people aware of how I am feeling since it seems they can just gloss over it. It doesn't seem fair that we live with this grief on a daily basis and everyone else sort of just gets to deal with it when they want to or not at all. I wish you the best in whatever may come of the Christening and to getting well also. Illness combined with grief is a cruel twist of fate. All my love to you mama!
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