Thursday, January 13, 2011

Done reading for now

I think my brain is fried from absorbing and reflecting on too much grief. I just don't have the capacity to process that much sadness continuously any more. I had planned to start reading They Were Still Born this week too but I need a break. I bought They Were Still Born with my Christmas gift certificate so at least I can keep that one as long as I want but the other 2 are borrowed. I have had Lareina's copy of An Exact Replica... for nearly 8 months so I should probably return it (with cookies). Besides, I don't need to read actual babyloss books to make me think about Reid. I can turn most books into a book about baby loss. (Just like some people can hear a babyloss related message in almost any song.) For example:

(From I Am Going by Mo Willems)

There are always plenty of Whys in Dead Baby Land: Why did my baby die? Why don't people understand me? Why can't I get pregnant again? Why can't I be happy again? Why did my cask of wine that was supposed to stay "fresh" for 6 weeks turn into a vat of vinegar in only 4 weeks ? (damn you Andrew Peller Wines) Okay, the last one might just be my why question, but when AF shows up and all you have to look forward to is a glass of red wine, that wine better be fit for drinking, not removing paint. Well I guess I'll be crawling into bed tonight without Mr. Cabernet Sauvignon, good thing D.G. is back from his trip to SK.

4 comments:

sarah said...

Oh Cara, that picture is perfect, just how I feel today. And I probably would have had that glass of vinegar-wine tonight had that box been in my cupboard.

I'm full of all the whys too...

Hoping we have answers to the whys around future pregnancies soon, soon, soon. WIll be interested to compare notes with you after we've had the tests all done. Hoping for good news for you soon.

Sending love....

Dana said...

I have felt the same way. I'm still full of whys and no one can answer them. I wonder if I will ever stop wondering why. I don't think so.

Since I know I'm not pregnant, I do things I can't do when pregnant. I eat soft cheese and cookie dough and things like that. I wish I couldn't do it, but such is life right now.

cullensblessings said...

Thinking of you Car....

Jessica said...

I hate the whys and I hate unanswered questions! They are awful.

Not sure if I told you or not but check out my blog I gave you an award. (If I did tell you then ignore this LOL)