Today is 9 months since Reid died. I know many of us feel this anniversary is particularly difficult because it marks the point where our children have been dead for as along as they were with us. (if you happen to have lost a full term baby) I haven't been thinking about that too much since to my way of thinking I passed that milestone mid-December. What has been bothering me the most is that 9 months later, I am still not pregnant. I am starting to "try" to prepare myself to hear that someone who had a living child in the flood of births before and after Reid's death is pregnant again. Because it is bound to happen, my luck is just that good.
I keep thinking about this time last year when I could just barely get my ski pants on to go play in the snow with D. They fit no problem now and I can slide down any hill I want without worrying about falling the wrong way and I'm out there with her and D.G. instead of staying at home with a napping baby. It just seems that the reminders of last year and what this year was supposed to be like are everywhere and I can't stop myself from thinking about all of it.
Today, D decided to wear her "Big Sister to an Angel" t-shirt without any hints or suggestions from me. (I swear I didn't even offer it up as possibility.) I so needed that, even if she had no idea that today was an anniversary or even what the heck an anniversary is. Of course she is obsessed with being a sister so that is probably why she picked it. All her toys now have sisters, even the cars. And she knows she is a big sister, we tell her that all the time, but I just wonder how long it will be until she starts asking when she will get a little brother or sister who will live with us. Right now she is happy enough with "some day we will have another baby" but I know that answer won't work forever. How do I explain the inability to get pregnant (I can't call it IF for another few months) to a 3 year old?
Just want to tell all the other DBM's whose babies' anniversaries fall on the 3rd, that I am thinking of you. Missy and Sadkitty,* I hate that what we share is so awful, but am still glad that I have someone to share it with. If any of my other readers also have anniversaries on the 3rd, please let me know so I can remember who is marking milestones with us and who else knows that the 3rd of any month sucks.
*Edited because my brain apparently doesn't work. Sorry again, Merry.