Thursday, November 18, 2010

Another month wasted. AF is back and so are the tears and wailing and loneliness. This time my cycle went a couple days longer than normal and I let myself get my hopes up the last couple days. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I was going to be pregnant and I was going to be able to handle visiting some of my pregnant friends and I was going to be able to give D a live sibling before her 4th birthday and the universe said "Screw you, that's not happening."


My mom called Tuesday and acted like everything was perfectly normal. I wasn't in the mood for drama and it's not like talking about it going to change anything that happened so I just let it go. D.G. also talked to his mom last night (for the first time since she went into Reid's room without asking) and also pretended that everything was normal so I guess that's what we all do around here.


Glo said...

So sorry AF found you. It is nearly impossible to not get our hopes up with each cycle.


Merry said...


More hugs. They feel so useless though :(

Dana said...

I'm so sorry you didn't get pregnant this month. It is just one heartbreak after another.

I read a quote somewhere that basically said that as much as we want to plan for kids etc, there isn't a darn thing that we can really do about it. It will happen when it will happen.

I'm on my 3rd loss since losing Jacob in June. It was great to get pregnant again and it brought moments of happiness I never thought I'd feel again, but it is short lived. The worry takes over so quickly and it was horrible when the pregnancy was lost (I haven't lost this one yet, but there is no baby and I'm waiting to miscarry). In some/many ways, I wish I hadn't gotten pregnant in October and just had a BFN instead.

Thinking of you.

Violet1122 said...

I'm so sorry. The BFN is like a punch in the gut.

I'm also sorry that people are acting like everything is back to normal.

I'm really hoping and praying that your rainbow baby will be coming to you SOON. ((Big Hugs))

Sherry said...

I'm so sorry for your loss and your infertility issues...It's even more heartbreaking when our parents pretend everything is normal to make themselves feel better...
On another note, I just want to let you know that I nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award. Check out my blog for the details.

Missy said...

Stupid pretending and stupid AF. I'm thinking of you Car.

Jessica said...

So sorry - stupid freaking AF. Thinking of you. (((hugs)))