Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Baby, it's cold outside (and inside and all around me)

This is what I woke up to on Monday morning. I took the picture this morning because I was too lazy to make myself go out into the snow yesterday, so obviously the snow is still here. Now it's not really that shocking for it to snow here before Halloween, but that doesn't make it feel any warmer.

I am officially now at the point of grieving where even the people who are supposed to support me the most, my husband and my mom, don't understand why I am still this sad. Yay, another Dead Baby Mama milestone instead of a living baby milestone. Whoo-hoo.

Edit: I live in Alberta, Canada. But I was watching the news last night and they were talking about all the snow in Washington state so it isn't just western Canada getting early snow.


unaffected said...

Brr, that photo makes me cold!

Thanks for stopping by my blog, and I am now a new follower of yours. I know this has been said to you a million times before, but I am very sorry for your loss.

I look forward to getting to know you, blog-style :)

B said...

there are a lot of us out there that do get it. i know that doesn't help - you should be able to rely on your husband and your mum - but at least you have us. thinking of you.

Mrz. Hannah Myhre said...

Hi, thanks for stopping by my blog! As for my keeping the headbands on my dd's head, she just hasn't tried to pull them off "yet".lol Hoping she doesn't start to either because I love them on her;)

And wow about the snow its still very warm where I live, and we're lucky if we see snow every 10 yrs.lol

I was just reading a bit of your blog before and wanted to say that everyone is different when it comes to loss and grieving. And its ok that you are still hurting over this. I know no one can understand what you are going through personally because they're not you. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.



Jessica said...

What state do you live in? Wow - you got snow before us in NY that's crazy! Sorry about the crappy milestone :( Sucks when people don't understand - or at least pretend to be sympathetic if they don't... <3 (((hugs))) <3

lis said...

ive been there, and that's how i knew it was time to talk to someone about meds. im not suggesting you do that, just saying thats what i had to do to rejoin my life. im thankful that i did and things are still such a struggle, but i even felt lighter just walking out of the doctor's office after having someone say "this is normal" or some such. it meant so much to me to be understood, because the people at home were NOT able to. i hope you don't mind if i link to my post from after i went to the doctor, i hope it helps you. here it is****big fat hugs, you are not alone****xoxo lis

Suzy said...

You know...it happens to all of us. The point where the rest of the world is better and we aren't. And they don't get it.

But we get it.

Welcome to the Dead Baby Mafia.

We get you, we love you, we love your boy, and we get that the pain doesn't stop, it just eases, so that you can make it through a minute without thinking of him and crying, then an hour, then a day.

Much love to you, hang in there.

Violet1122 said...

Snow fascinates me, mostly because I've never lived in a place that ever snowed. Thanks for sharing the picture - even though I know it doesn't make you happy.

I really don't understand what other people expect. Your baby died!!! Honestly, it's about the worst thing that could ever happen to a person - and it's nothing you ever "bounce" back from.

I wish our families could be as supportive as the Babyloss community we've found online.

Hoping the coming days are a little better...

Anonymous said...

I saw your kind comment on my blog and came to read yours. As so many others have said, I'm so sorry for your devastating loss. Your pain is palpable and just reading your story made me stop breathing. I can only imagine the deep grief you are feeling.

Every grief experience is unique, and there certainly is no fixed timeline. When you're ready, know that you can honor your grief AND move forward. When you're ready to reconnect to the things that make you feel important, when you're ready to deeply explore your painful thoughts and consider alternatives, when you are ready express yourself in new ways ... know that this is all possible.

I know an exercise called The Peace Method, which I have found to be an incredible powerful tool for illuminating new perspectives and finding solace. If you'd ever like to try it, please don't hesitate to get in touch. I'd be happy to do it with you.

Hugs ... ICLW #15

June said...

Heya, I'm sorry about how you're feeling. I know what it's like to be in that place. It doesn't go away, it just gets easier to deal with and they only thing that helps is time. Obviously a supportive family helps too. I found a lot of people were not supportive with my loss, but mostly b/c they didn't know what to say or do. I put myself in their shoes and before my loss I would've felt the same way, but now, I get it.

I can't believe the snow in this picture. Where do you live???


Megan, aka LadyofMoonlight said...

Hi, visiting from ICLW! I'm in NC and right now it's like 86 degrees and humid, it's like a sauna outside. Honestly the snow looks pretty good to me right now!

I'm sorry you lost your son. Years ago we were in the beginning of the adoption process waiting to adopt two children when some really unprofessional workers made the sudden call that we should only adopt one child, not siblings like we'd been planning, because this would be our first child. It may sound dumb but I still grieve for the loss of that second child, even with two children in the home and even having met the children we would have adopted and knowing their mom. You can tell your DH that there's someone out there still grieving, years later, over an IDEA and not a real baby that I felt inside of me. Maybe that'll put things in perspective.

Anonymous said...

So sorry Car.
Thinking of you...

And PS it was 80 where I live today- wowza!

Krissi said...

Sorry about your son. That is heart wrenching!
I can't believe you got snow before Halloween! That's too early for me! We had 70 degrees weather today in NY!! But I fear it won't be like that anymore until the Spring! ICLW (#72 & 106)