Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Bad and Good

I had one really awful day while we were away. I spent an entire afternoon crying my heart out. It was like everything I had been holding in for the first 5 days of the trip just built up and poured out. And it wasn't that I had to deal with anything extra horrible during the trip, no one was pregnant and I didn't have to see any babies close to the age Reid would have been. One of the other couples we were with had a miscarriage a couple months ago and is dealing with secondary infertility. I talked about Reid when ever I wanted to and no one looked freaked out (if they were, they hid it well and that's just as good). The worst thing I had deal with was seeing D play with Baby S (who is almost walking and not technically a baby anymore but that's what everyone calls her). D would make faces and fuss over Baby S and every time my heart just broke because it should be Reid that she is playing with. D is so ready to be a big sister and now who knows if she will ever get to be a big sister to a living baby.

So back to my awful day, I ended up by myself on the beach (the cabin had it's own private beach). The wind was so strong that I probably would have had any beach to myself that day. At least once, I cursed the damn lake for being too shallow. It was not a fun time on the beach that day, but I did get something out of it. As DBM's frequently do, I wrote Reid's name in the sand.


Northern SK beaches do not have big stretches of damp sand for writing names, besides I had a plan. Last night I turned the picture into this:


I kept all the rocks that were used to write his name and brought them home to put in the shadow box. (See, I didn't just have bad ideas while sitting on that beach) I don't know where its permanent home is going to be yet, but it's the first picture related to Reid that I have framed and I want it to be where everyone can see it.

13 comments:

Princess Andy said...

i don't usually make a habit of commenting, but i think this picture with the rocks from reid's name is so awesome.

i'm so very sorry for your loss.

love and kindness, andrea

Kristin said...

Wow, thats an awesome picture/frame! I've yet to decide what picture I want framed/up in our house of Stevie's name. I have a ton of tree stuff, that remind me of her, but nothing up that actually says her name yet. This is really cool.

Lareina said...

That is absolutely amazing!! I love it! What a great idea to keep the rocks.

I have those same feelings when Marrah plays with babies... They will both be big sisters to living babies one day, hun. I just know it. Hugz!

Glo said...

That is a fantastic picture, I love that you kept the rocks for the shadow box. ((hugs))

Andrea said...

Love your shadow box! What a great idea, to keep the rocks. Thanks for sharing.

Elaine said...

that is beautiful!

Catherine W said...

That is a really lovely idea. It looks beautiful.

I'm sorry for the awful day. I find that sometimes I had a few 'good' days in a row but everything got kind of backed up and it would all come bursting out later.

I hope that your D will be a big sister to another little one sooner or later (I hope sooner) xo

Hanen said...

Just found you via non geordie mum and wanted to say I'm so so sorry you lost Reid. The stones for Reid are just so beautiful - looks amazing. xxxxh

Violet1122 said...

That shadow box is beautiful! I absolutely love it - and I know you must, too.

Sorry you had a bad day on your trip - I guess those kinds of days don't take a rest during vacations.

Hoping you are feeling better - sending you big hugs!

Merry said...

That is spectacularly beautiful.

Thinking of you and thank you for the comment on my blog.

B said...

i'm glad you could talk to people without them freaking out. that's great.

and the picture is amazing.

Jessica said...

That is a beautiful photo! I never would have thought to do that with the rocks! So creative. It's great you could talk and not freak others out that is one thing that makes me SO upset! So I am glad you did not need to deal with that. I know how you feel about babies. My first little one would have been do 9/27 and a friend of mine is having a planned c-section that day. While I am thrilled for her it will be a very hard thing for me. **hugs** to you! Thank you for sharing your beautiful picture!

Lucid Anne said...

:gasp: CAR that is gorgeous. :O Wow. <3