Trying to adjust to life without my son...
Saturday, July 24, 2010
I did it
I let myself get within touching distance of a baby boy. I didn't hold him, wasn't feeling quite like Superwoman, but I did touch him. He is nearly 6 months old, but really tiny for his age so Reid would likely be bigger than him now even though he is just over 2 months older. The only reason I could let myself get this close to a baby boy is because his mom is a Dead Baby Mama too. Her first son died at 9 months old in December 2007 so she get more than gets it. She didn't look at me funny when I teared up just looking at her son and she knew why it was a big deal for me to get close to him. It's good to know that I can see a baby boy up close and not loose it, but it sort of seems like cheating when it's a rainbow baby.
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6 comments:
That's a good place to start<3
I agree, a good place to start. Proud of you. I can hold baby boys just fine, but if I see a baby girl my heart seizes and I find the nearest exit.
I don't think that's cheating. You are brilliant and quite Superwoman-ish enough for me! x
that's not cheating at all! little steps and you'll get there.
It's not cheating....one step at a time right? The only way I can look at pregnant women right now and not get really upset is to tell myself that they could be pregnant with their rainbow baby. It works about 50% of the time.
We have friends who just had a baby girl on May 9th and we are going to see them soon. I'm a little worried, but because they had a girl and we lost a boy, it might be OK. Who knows though.
Cara,
Hi my name is Jen. I just read your post on faces of loss blog. My heart aches for you. I am in shock hearing about what happen with Reid. My son died the day before my due date, but inside my womb. We don't know why his heart just decided to stop. It sounds like you are in the same exact situation. I wish I could give you a hug.
I have a few friends that have new born baby boys. I have a very hard time being within standing distance of them. I commend you for being in touching distance. It does make a huge difference that his Mommy is a "Dead Baby Mama."
Your little girl is adorable! I hope she is doing ok. My little 3.5 son is still confused as to why we didn't get to bring his brother home.
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm so sorry to that Reid died. May be him and Jonas are playing together in heaven.
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