Thursday, July 15, 2010

Don't know what to think

So yesterday was a pretty good day. The birthday brownies that I baked turned out to be very tasty. It's what happened when we sang "Happy Birthday" that is confusing me. I stuck a candle in DH's brownies and D started to sing and I joined in and then in a blink of an eye, D was bawling. I was not shocked as she has cried at all of her birthdays when presented with a cupcake with candles. What shocked me was when she said, "I miss Baby Reid so much." I really don't know what to make of it. She has said this before but only if she saw that I was upset first. And there have been times were I suspected that she said it to try to get me to do something (It's awful that I have to suspect my almost 3 year old of using her dead brother to manipulate me, but even if she was, she has no way to know what it really means so I can't really get angry at her). And it's not like she needed to convince us to give her what she really wanted, there was a huge chocolate brownie sitting right in front of her. I even asked her again this morning why she cried and she repeated that she missed Reid. I don't know what I am supposed to do with this. I don't want D to be as confused and sad about Reid as I am. Yay, more mommy guilt coming up.


Elaine said...

wow, that is so sweet and so sad at the same time. We didn't tell my 5 year old at first but now we've told her and she was very matter of fact about it...said she's not sad cause she knows she'll see him when she goes to heaven. I also worried about her using it as a manipulation thing (I know that does sound horrible) but she says stuff when she doesn't want to go to bed. Like she'll say she has a headache or cramps or a sore leg. And I'm just waiting for the night she says she can't sleep cause the baby died! I'm really sorry for you guys and for your little D.

Lara + Chris said...

Awww. That's so sweet and so heartbreaking at the same time. It's hard to know their motivation at that age. Sometimes they're just repeating what they've heard mom and dad say; sometimes they're saying how they feel; sometimes it doesn't seem like they know why they're saying it. Normally it's no big deal, but with something like that...of course it's going to be analyzed. Huge hugs!

Catherine W said...

Oh my. I don't know Cara, my J isn't old enough to understand that her sister is dead just yet so she hasn't asked any questions yet. The mental image of little D in front of the huge brownie and saying that she misses her brother just breaks me up.

But what I do know that the death of your son IS sad and it IS confusing. Sometimes life is both of those things and we can't protect our children from that, as much as we might like to. I don't think you don't need to have mommy guilt for that.