On Saturday afternoon, I tried to be a normal person and went out to run errands without an almost 3 year old in tow, something that I should look forward to. I thought it would be no different than going out with D, but it was very different. Without D to distract me, the effort of pretending to be normal human being was overwhelming. 1 1/2 hours into my errands, I had to have a cry in the car before I went into the grocery store and 1/2 an hour after that I full out bawled as soon as I pulled back into the driveway at home. It's not like I saw anything that really upset me, it was just too hard to keep it together. I feel so awful for all the DBM's whose first child has died and have to go out in the world without the "shield" of a living child.
Fast-forward a couple hours and I was feeling good enough to go along with DH and D for ice cream (no downside to eating a huge ice cream cone to make me feel better, right?). And of course, there is a family with a little girl and a baby waiting for ice cream when we arrive. I have no idea if that baby was a boy or girl. I couldn't even get within 50 feet of them because the baby was sitting in the exact same car seat that is sitting in my basement. The same car seat that we should have brought Reid home in.
So much for a nice soothing ice ream cone.