Tuesday, June 15, 2010


It's my last day at my parents farm. It finally stopped raining but the mosquitoes are SO bad that we can barely go outside. I have many, MANY bites from just trying to get a few minutes in the sun. I really hope that it isn't this bad at my MIL's so I don't have to choose between being eaten alive and being cooped up all day.

Except for a couple trips to the grocery store in the city and the previously mentioned incident with my dad, I have been able to hide out from babies, pregnant women and most of the other things that make me cry. I never came to the farm while I was pregnant with Reid so I don't have to block out memories of hanging out here and planning to come back with him. (Of course the plans were still made in my head, but they were made in Alberta). I really wish that he was here with us and there were lots of my parents friends dropping by to meet him instead of me hiding out from all but the closest family friends. It's weird but no one other than my parents has mentioned Reid or what happened. Not even my grandmother or my mom's friend who both had stillborn children. I am not ready to bring up the subject but I thought someone might bring it up, especially my grandmother.

This trip has also been bittersweet has it may be our last trip to the farm ever. My parents are ready to retire and the farm is up for sale. I can't imagine my parents living anywhere else. (They built the house the summer before I was born and have lived here ever since.) I just hope for their sakes that it sells soon so things don't drag on forever. I live 9 hours away and can't visit that often so it really won't change things that much for me. I will just have to get used to the idea that the house I grew up in isn't my parents' house anymore and that D will likely be the only one of my children to even visit my childhood home.


Anonymous said...

It always makes me so sad when people don't talk about my baby or what happened. Of course we know all the reasons why they don't- mainly because they don't want to upset us. (Like we can get any MORE upset.) Older women are also more of a generation where those things weren't talked about. But it still always makes me sad. I have started just straight up telling people "I need to talk about this."

Hannah Rose said...

I'm SO sorry for your loss...my daughter, Lily, was born still on March 16 of this year. I know that pain. I cannot believe how many people are out there that also know that pain. Thinking of you, Hannah Rose. Feel free to check out my blog: roseandherlily.blogspot.com

B said...

i hope you got home safely.

thinking of you