Monday, June 21, 2010

Home not so sweet home

I am back home after 2 weeks on the road. I am so glad to not be traveling anymore but mostly I feel like crap. It's not like I could pretend that Reid never existed and therefore never died while we were away, but there were definitely fewer reminders right in front of my face. Fewer babies and bellies around. I didn't have to walk past the "baby room" and all his things sitting in there a hundred times a day. I didn't have to be surrounded by memories of all the things I did while I was pregnant and all the things I have done to try to survive since I wasn't.

Maybe part of it is that everywhere I look there are chores that need to be done, (DH is wonderful but he definitely let more than a few things slide while D and I were away) but that shouldn't be enough to make me want to cry non-stop. It's like the weight on my chest that had eased off during the trip has all been dropped right back into place.

1 comment:

Dana said...

I'm so sorry you are having a bad day. Being back where you were pregnant just sparks reminders everywhere. It sure does for me. Even if I pick up a pen that I haven't used since I was pregnant, I start to feel worse. We already bought a house before losing Jacob. I can't wait to get out of this condo, it just seems like a place of sadness even though we have had so many happy times here. Everything is a reminder of being pregnant and being excited for Jacob.

Even the house will be a reminder because we bought it since he was coming along.