Thursday, December 27, 2012

I think I survived

Is it over? Can I come out yet?

Warning, there is plenty of whinging in here, but I am hoping to get it all out now and start 2013 in a better frame of mind.

I feel like I have been hiding for the last few weeks. I was already dreading Christmas, then the terrible events in CT happened and I couldn't bear to think about those families on top of all the families missing their babies. The news was full of one horrible tragedy after another.

Then there is my project to try to help other people not completely hate Christmas. I love the ornament exchange, but it has been seriously stressing me out. Too many people don't answer emails or take deadlines seriously or read the *$&#-ing instructions. I only hear from the people who have issues so I feel like EVERYONE is disappointed in the swap. At least this year my own ornament arrived on time so I didn't have to worry about that.

Last week I managed to get not 1 but 2 flat tires on my vehicle which lead to replacing the winter tires about 9 months sooner than planned. (There was no Boxing Day shopping after that.) That was followed up by D getting sick and missing the last day of school before Christmas and her class party.She seems to be feeling fine, but she's still not eating well and is very short tempered which is making us all frustrated.

The highlights of the past week:
- The Mexican chocolate cake and blood orange margaritas that were part of our non-traditional Christmas dinner.
- The awesome hat I made for myself:











(I also made a hat for D.G. and have plans to make one for S.C. in the next week. D will be getting a something for a barbie.)
- Watching C.S. love her Christmas gifts and discover the joy of knocking things over.

There was no crying for me this Christmas. I was sad, I missed my boy, I wished I was making him a little blue hat and buying little boy toys but I didn't cry. Is being resigned to sadness better or worse than crying about the pain and unfairness of it, I don't know but that's how I felt this year.


5 comments:

Lisa said...

Same here, I didn't really cry except my PMS fell the week of Christmas so it made it harder. On Christmas I thought no one remembered her, and I was very sad that night. Then the next day we got a card in the mail saying a donation had been made to a charity in Adelyn's name. Then today my mom told me she forgot to give us Adelyn's "gift"....so I guess the 2 most important people didn't forget after all.

Jeanette said...

I didn't cry either, and it freaked me out. I don't know what's happening with me, but there's a shift in my grief that I can't quite fathom and it scares me.

Angela said...

Oh! I didn't cry either! What's with that??

cullensblessings said...

Hey sunshine.. I missed you. Sorry to have been MIA for awhile. I fell SO awful that I did not participate in the swap this year. and I feel awful that you have to deal with the shitstorm of people who can't follow directions. I am very grateful though that you continue to organize it- and hope to be there with you in the burrows next year. xo and thanks for your sweet words on the last post!

Merry said...

I was late, what with one thing and another but I let her know as soon as I had a connection :/ Bene being ill for so long knocked my Xmas for six.

I didn't cry either. It was weird.