Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Capture Your Grief: Day 23

Their Name/Photo

Another very tough one for me. Just writing about this hurts so much. I can't bear to go the FB event and see all those pictures of tiny babies wearing little hats and lovingly swaddled in special blankets.

We have so few pictures of Reid and they are so terrible because the nurses weren't allowed to remove the breathing tube and no one told us we could have bathed him or dressed him. Only D.G., D and 2 friends have ever seen those pictures.

I have a lot of bitterness about the fact that no one told us that we would want pictures of him later. We were in shock and had no clue what to do. It was the middle of the night on a holiday weekend so of course the social workers and support staff who normal get involved in infant deaths were away from the hospital. I feel like the system failed us. Someone who had been through stillbirths with other patients should have sat down with us and told us all the things that we might want to do with Reid right then, because this would be our only chance. Silly hospital union rules prevented anyone from mentioning NILDTS and my friend whose son died 5 months before Reid and is a photographer was out of the province. Even if I had refused to be a part of it, someone should have taken the pictures and told us they would be there for us when we were ready for them. I would give so much to have proper pictures of Reid. and proper memories of carrying for my son's body to go with them.

I am very grateful for the artist who took the few terrible pictures we have and turned them into this beautiful sketch. I still guard it very carefully and it will not be posted on FB.


Glo said...

It is interestesting how different our experiences were at the same hospital in the span of a few months. I was not offered NILMDTS but assumed it was due to the gestation of G. They did offer a medical photographer to take pictures which they did several hours after (we were not present). The pictures I was a little worried about them being very medical like we're actually quite good. The only ones which are medical like are the ones that the toe tag was included. I am forever grateful for my sister who dragged her entire family out of bed to bring me a camera (from outside the city) and that I was rational enough to get dh to phone her.
I ordered my medical records and saw the check list they have for situations like ours. I am surprised this was not followed with you regardless of what staff was or was not available.
I am sorry you were not able to get more pictures and make the most of the short time you had and to have be able to make some memories which are so very important :(

Aurelia said...

I'm here by way of LFCA and I am so sorry for your loss. The drawing of your Reid is just beautiful, what a treasure. I'm so sad to hear that the hospital didn't provide better support to guide you through his loss and ensure that you had pictures to look at when you were ready, etc. It is just not right that that can still happen. We lost our daughter this August at 22 weeks and the hospital was very good, but there are some things they can improve and once I muster the energy I am going provide them with the feedback so that they can hopefully improve their services and care to other families.

Jeanette said...

The drawing of Reid is beautiful.
We couldn't take the tubes off Florence's face for several hours, it's just awful isn't it?
At least Florence's were eventually removed so we could get some photos without them.
I'm so sorry you didn't get the support you deserved. x