Another very tough one for me. Just writing about this hurts so much. I can't bear to go the FB event and see all those pictures of tiny babies wearing little hats and lovingly swaddled in special blankets.
We have so few pictures of Reid and they are so terrible because the nurses weren't allowed to remove the breathing tube and no one told us we could have bathed him or dressed him. Only D.G., D and 2 friends have ever seen those pictures.
I have a lot of bitterness about the fact that no one told us that we would want pictures of him later. We were in shock and had no clue what to do. It was the middle of the night on a holiday weekend so of course the social workers and support staff who normal get involved in infant deaths were away from the hospital. I feel like the system failed us. Someone who had been through stillbirths with other patients should have sat down with us and told us all the things that we might want to do with Reid right then, because this would be our only chance. Silly hospital union rules prevented anyone from mentioning NILDTS and my friend whose son died 5 months before Reid and is a photographer was out of the province. Even if I had refused to be a part of it, someone should have taken the pictures and told us they would be there for us when we were ready for them. I would give so much to have proper pictures of Reid. and proper memories of carrying for my son's body to go with them.
I am very grateful for the artist who took the few terrible pictures we have and turned them into this beautiful sketch. I still guard it very carefully and it will not be posted on FB.