Saturday, February 11, 2012

1 Month In

I totally intended to post last night, but we spent the whole evening trying to keep C.S. from yelling the house down. She would nurse for 10 minutes, sleep (on me) for 10 minutes and then wake up and start over again. I am hoping that it was just gas but we will see how she is tonight.

I feel like I have no instinct or memory of how to be a good mom to a newborn. I have done it once semi-successfully before so I expected to feel more confident this time around, but I just seem to see potential disaster in every decision no matter how small or inconsequential. I just to want to be able to feel like I am doing my best as C.S.'s mom and that feeling isn't there.

C.S. is growing and beautiful and now that her face has filled out, she looks like her brother when she is asleep. And every time I see him in her face, I want to sob and yell and scream that he never got to be a month old.

Here is C.S. in all her 1 month old glory, all 8.5 lbs of her:


Danae said...

She is beautiful! I am so happy for you and that she is here safe and sound!!

I see Bailey in Cameron too and I feel the same way as you do. Just take it as it come mommma. Those feelings are completely understandably!

Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say said...

Love the photo - she's beautiful!

And sorry to hear about the rough night. I hope there are better nights on the horizon.

Sometimes I wonder if any mom thinks she's doing things right and/or is good enough. I know I struggle with this one, often. But I just keep trying, and doing my best. I trust you're doing an amazing job. I think to even question how one is parenting shows deep love.

Lisa said...

What a cute picture! You must shop at Ikea :)

Coen looks like Adelyn when he is sleeping as well. It caught me off guard the first time it happened, because I didn't think he looked like her at first. But I did think he looked like our oldest daughter, and I thought Adelyn looked like her also, so not sure why I didn't think Coen and Adelyn looked alike? Crazy mind....

Angela said...

Sweet girl! We have the same chair :) Gripe water worked well for us when Bennett had really bad gas.

Bennett looks like Charlotte, especially when I look at his profile. It always catches me off guard.

Much love, you are doing a wonderful job.

Lareina said...

Same here... When Declan sleeps, he sleeps with his mouth open and I hold him and see my sweet Kaelen. I freak out a bit, check his breathing, and then give my head a shake... It's a blessing and a curse, that's for sure.

And for the record, I know you are an absolutely AWESOME mama!! Don't you ever doubt it or I'll have to come knock some sense into ya! Lol big hugs!

Jeanette said...

She is beautiful. x

Jessica said...

She is so beautiful! I was never able to see my angels but I often see children that are around the age they would be and imagine what they would look like. It's hard and I know it will be hard to not imagine Cameron when Logan is growing up... I was so thrilled to be having twins. Wasn't meant to be. Blessed to still have a happy growing baby Logan though at 30 weeks. Even if you are out of practice you will be a GREAT mommy yet again <3