Friday, October 29, 2010

I don't know

How does one event change your life so much that 7 months later you don't recognize your life or yourself? What is this place and where I am supposed to go from here? Where did all the people that I thought I could count on go? If it was just the crushing sadness (and it is still crushing) maybe I could deal with Reid's death, but it's not. It's that my brain has been scrambled and I don't know who I am any more. I don't know what I want anymore (other than another baby) or what I am supposed to do with my life. I hate all this "not knowing".

8 comments:

Missy said...

I think maybe a lobotomy would make me feel better.

Amber said...

I was just talking to my mom about this. Its been just over three months since I lost my daughter, and I feel this same thing. I dont know who I am, and on one hand I miss the old me, but on the other I dont want to go back to a world before her. So I'm some mess of unknowns. I dont know what I want or who I am. Praying for you! Know you're not alone!

Bobbi said...

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry you are going through such a struggle. :( I'll add you to my prayer list. Try and be strong for your daughter, but I know that's easier said than done, especially when feeling so crushed.

Merry said...

I considered asking my dh for a lobotomy for Xmas only yesterday!

I have no idea exactly how to go on; I'm trying to reinvent myself in some creative form, because I just don't want to be the previous person at all if I can't have Freddie.

Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say said...

Other than the death of my daughter, the "death of me" has been so hard for me to deal with. I'm not the same person I was before Acacia was born and died. I don't know if/when I'll find a deep peace about who I am now - maybe someday.

Thinking of you!

Lucid Anne said...

I am finding that I feel like I know exactly who I am- I'm Me from like 5 years ago, still young and dumb and childless and lame. :( I thought everything was going to be different...

Jessica said...

(((hugs))) life pretty much kicks your a** when you lose your child (or children) - sometimes I don't even recognize myself...As Annette said i thought everything would be different...

B said...

thinking of you. i wish i had the answers.