Capture Your Grief: Day 3

Self Portrait after loss
I looked through hundreds of photos to find something to post today. The only pictures that truly show how I felt on the inside after April 2010 are from the hospital and they are far too painful to share. After that I did a very good job of avoiding being in front of a camera for a year and a half. And I wore sunglasses any time I left the house.I just felt so hideous and fat and ugly and I didn't want anyone to see me. My husband took this picture in our back yard while I was watching D run through the sprinkler. Even while watching her at her happiest, I was fighting not to cry.

Capture Your Grief: Day 2

Self Portrait Before Loss
September 2009 when I was just 2 months along and baby #2 was our little secret. I had no idea that I would never hold my big girl and her little brother in my arms at the same time.

Capture Your Grief: Day 1

Sunrise
7:42 AM October 1, 2012


From Carly Marie's Capture Your Grief project.

Walk To Remember 2012

We walked to remember in September this year. (The first Saturday of October falls on Thanksgiving weekend here and I can see why the organizers decided to avoid that conflict.) It was a crazy day for us because we had a swimming lessons, a birthday party and the Walk to attend. Despite my worries on the drive to there, (I felt like such a horrible mom to Reid for being late to one of the few public things we can do for him)  we made it there on time to register and still had time to  donate 2 teddy bears and have some cupcakes before we did the actual walking part. There were no helium balloons this year but I actually really liked the bubbles they handed out instead. They were much easier to carry around before the release and they were great for the brothers and sisters to play with during the whole name reading/release ceremony. It was really pretty sitting in the grass in the sunshine with little bubbles drifting all around us. And this way I could blow bubbles for all the babies whose mama's I know not just for Reid. (I was looking for and found Gavin, Noah and Kaelen's names while we were walking.)

The girls still fit into the "Thing 1" and "Thing 3" shirts I got for Reid's 2nd birthday and it was warm enough that they didn't have to wear jackets over then either. You would think that at an event like this, I wouldn't need to explain that Reid is Thing 2, but it still happened.

The only thing that didn't turn out was the rest of the photos of the afternoon (I am trying very hard not to be mad at D.G. for that.) but at least I got these ones. I hope that everyone gets such lovely weather for their October remembrance events where ever they are.

Stuff I made this week

I still eat like crazy and as long as I am still wearing the smallest size jeans I have ever worn then I figure I might as well enjoy it. Today I wanted chocolate cake so I decided to use up some of the zucchini from the garden and make it at least a little healthy. It seemed like a good plan as I spent all of C.S.'s afternoon nap shredding zucchini and baking cake (and I have enough shredded zucchini to bake a ton of muffins too). Now however, it's 9 pm and there's a whole chocolate cake calling my name.

Cara...Cara...You know you love me....

(I would have cut a piece to take a pretty picture but then I would have HAD to eat it too.)

Maybe I should have stuck with crocheting, at least I can't eat my creations. I was back on Ravelry (so addicting) this week looking for something I could make for two  birthday girls we will be celebrating with this weekend. It had to be easy and it had to be something that didn't require measurements. Both birthday girls like accessories so I decided to make headbands. I think they turned out pretty good and of course I had to make an extra one for D. I may make one for myself later too.

(If anyone wants the link to the instructions let me know. I don't want to link directly because the website has been heavily spammed.)

Quick Update

Let's see...

C.S. has popped out 3 three teeth in the last 10 days. She is so exhausted she actually had a good sleep last night.

C.S. has also become a very efficient belly slider. She only pushes with one foot for some reason (same as D. did) and has gotten a sore at the base of her big toe from pushing so much. She can move pretty fast and always has her eyes open for interesting things in cupboards and her big sister's room.

D. brought home a cold from school. She was sick for 12 hours, I have been a mess all week and now D.G. has it. Of course he is "man sick" and near death. Now it appears C.S. is getting it too.

I got to use my sewing machine, (yay!), but it was for replacing elastics in C.S.'s diapers so it was no fun at all. I hate ripping out tiny little stitches in elastic, I think some poor Chinese factory worker was paid by the amount of thread they applied to each diaper. 7 down, 4 more to go.

D likes school but hates riding the bus home. Let's hope she adjusts soon because things work better for everyone when she comes home on the bus.


I got new nursing bras yesterday. This is the best thing to happen all week. Everything is better when the girls are located where they are meant to be. Now if only I had time and/or energy to go shopping for boots.

Only week until this year's Walk to Remember.